Photo: Getty Images
So I actually was going to blog about something different, but then I got this comment (from Charybdis):
“All the fat women rant and rave about being accepted, which is rather humorous. Fat women are far more accepted in real life than fat men are, though the trend is reversed in the media. Woman in television or movies have to be thin, but the reality is that men are expected to at least not be obese while women are often encourage to be so.
Take a look around you at the vast hordes of BBW sites. Now compare them to the BBM sites. Or, for a more immediate perspective, try looking at all the fat women on DA who post pictures of themselves and find acceptance, and then look at the fat men. You’ll hardly find any of the latter being accepted, let alone desired. I know, I’ve tried it. Does that mean men are more accepting of fat women then they are of fat men, or does it mean that women simply make more restrictive choices about their men? No clue, but it’s something to think about.
This isn’t to put women down, that’s not my point. But I think that in your reverie off mutual acceptance you tend to forget the men who sit around feeling exactly the way you do, but without the support to help them along.”
First, I would just like to say thank you for expressing your comment intellectually and politely and not going all “you’re so stupid” kind of speech.
After reading said comment, it really did get me thinking. I’ve thought about the subject of how women and men are treated differently when dealing with body size, but I never really sat down for 10 minutes to contemplate the subject. I decided rather than just reply to the comment I would make a post on it, since that’s just kinda what I do lol.
“Fat women are far more accepted in real life than fat men are, though the trend is reversed in the media.” This is something I have noticed, though again more from the women’s point of view. I used to always think along the lines of “atleast there are all different kinds of men on TV, they don’t all look like cookie cutter molds”, wheras the women are always skinny, pretty, and sexy (thankfully there are a few exceptions). Whereas when it comes to men there are dorky guys, cute guys, smart guys, chubby guys, just all different kinds. (This seemed evident to the media too, since I remember reading an article in some paper over the summer about how men’s roles are becoming more diverse and that the underdog is now hot or something along those lines…. they did not mention how women are pretty much the opposite.. blah but i’m getting off topic here.)
Maybe my views are slightly twisted, because in high school the fat girls arn’t appreciated. Trust me, this I know. Maybe high school doesn’t constitute as real life though, so I can’t really say too much about this one.
“the reality is that men are expected to at least not be obese while women are often encourage to be so.” I’m not sure about that. It seems to me that everyone is discourage from being obese. The only place I have ever heard of a woman being encouraged to be obese in online. I think that’s part of the problem with the whole “vast hordes of BBW sites”. Sadly, to me a lot of these sites serve only to sexualize women and serve to make them objects for men (or women). Of course there are some that are genuinly to encourage acceptance, but a lot of times they seem to be just for men to get lustly about (for lack of better words). I just get disgusted when i read comments about how ”fat chicks are hot” or “she should gain more weight” as though the person were an object made to be lusted over. I don’t really view this as a good thing, though this probably is also dependant upon who makes the site.
“fat women on DA who post pictures of themselves and find acceptance, and then look at the fat men” Same as what i said before. To me being ‘lusted’ after is not acceptance. When a women posts a picture of herself on DA, it seems like there is always someone who makes a comment about how sexy she is/has a nice body. Maybe I am reading into this wrong, but that’s how I view the woman’s side. (though i am not denying that there are more positive places for women to find acceptance if they choose to look).
I feel as though I don’t have a very good basis to go on for most of this stuff, because a.) I don’t talk to guys very much, b.) I’m in high school and i don’t think high school is a very good basis on reality.
“Does that mean men are more accepting of fat women then they are of fat men, or does it mean that women simply make more restrictive choices about their men?” I really can’t answer this one, because personally the body type of guys doesn’t really factor into whether i would want to date them or not. I can’t be a complete saint and say i don’t have first impression, because i do- everyone does. If a fat guy (XD who is around my age lol) came up to me and asked me to go out dinner with him, i’d say yes. I don’t know about other factors about him, but just basing this on looks i’d say yes. I want a guy who wants to go out with me and if he comes up to me and says something to me, that shows plenty of confidence and outgoingness, and that’s what i like.
My ex-BF i had back in 10th grade (lol, so long ago) was slightly chubby, but i didn’t care. One of the things that pissed me off when i broke up with him was when he said “Oh, well i’m going to join the navy and get big and muscle-y and you won’t be able to resist me.” I just couldn’t believe he would say that. His body had nothing to do with why I broke up with him. And that comment he made made me realize that his looks were not a factor of why I broke up with him, because even he would’ve had muscles and been a chiseled Adonis i still wouldn’t have gone back out with him.
Being surrounded by high schools boys certainly doesn’t lead me to believe that men are more accepting of fat women. I get sick to my stomach listening to their comments. Again, i do not think i am justified to honestly answer this one, because i havn’t really met any grownup men who aren’t stupid high school boys. I can just say that I know when it comes to me, i don’t judge a guy on looks, more on his personality comes off and if i like being around him. Sadly i do not know many high school guys who would say the same thing about women, since all they seem to want to do drool over all the hotties. But this is different for everyone.
I think another thing that factors into this is the way the sexes look at beauty. Women are expected to be beautiful, men are expected to be all strong and providing. While fat is never sexy (*cough*) beauty is, and women are the ones who are looked at as the ‘fairier’ and beautiful sex. So a fat women can be looked at as beautiful, since she is a woman, and that’s what they’re for (*coughagain*). Women are primarily judged on their appearances, while men are primarily judged on their actions and abilities (in most cases). Men are supposed to be all buff and such, but if they are fat then they must be weak and uncontrollable (*coughyetagain… stupid stereotypes*). Men arn’t looked at as objects of beauty, so unless you are “chiseled and gorgeous” then you don’t stand much of a chance. In our society women compliment each other and say they are beautiful all the time, but it’s just “gay” if a guy says it to another. I have NEVER heard a guy sincerily compliment another guy on his looks. (though agian, still in high school..)
hm.. i dunno if that paragraph made sense, but i gave it a try…
Bottom-line: It seems to suck for both fat men and fat women, just in different ways. I really can’t say who has it worse, as i am not and guy and girl, just a girl. I can only really offer stuff from my point of view. I think there should be more acceptance for fat men, i believe in men and women being treated equally, whatever size.
For my own part i will try and be more open to viewing fat toward both sexes, but as ya’ll know, i am a girl and my opinions come from 17 years of being a girl. But I will try, because it isn’t fair.
Thanks very much for the comment, it definitely got me thinking. I hope i didn’t misunderstand anything either.
P.S. – I love the picture at the top, it’s soooo cute! <3 it!
It has always struck me how much our perception of reality is affected by our our smaller realms of life and environments. I have also always thought that men of all shapes had an easier time; be it in TV, real life or anywhere really. However, if you stop to think about it the truth is closer to the same oppression received by fat women. Men are expected to be these hulking providers that shrug off pain and even if they have a soft “inner” side it is never to be shown outwardly. Women are still sort of expected to be the soft, nurturing, cuddly type so even though the fat-hate is rampant, I could see how a fat man can perceive the world as more accepting of a fat woman than of a fat man.
While a woman (according to all the images in media and obesity-scare propaganda) should be a svelt 120 lbs or less of anorexic-border-line athletic muscle (by starvation dieting and intense exercise every day); it seems to be still “okay” if she has a bit more meat on her and has children…because she is the nurturing caregiver, right?
Men too feel this same media driven need to fit into stereotyped images and be these strong men (read “fit”) and while a wider array of men (shapes, sizes, personalities) might appear in media; I don’t feel that we are supposed to have the same respect for each. The fat man is usually slightly mocked or seen as “softer” and more womanly. As if to say that while we can SEE these different shapes of men; they are still not “normal” or to be thought of as “healthy individuals that are capable of love and wonderful things.”
So I guess it has also set me to thinking about how while fat-hatred is a common theme that affects both sexes; how we perceive this hatred and how it is actually portrayed does differ slightly based on the fat person’s gender. Perhaps there is a slightly higher acceptance of women having a more rotund shape than there would be for an equally curvy man. However I don’t feel EITHER is accepted or loved by the large majority of society. And that is the true problem.
By: April on December 12, 2007
at 8:24 am
Hey there, ran into your blog via Shapely Prose
I think that both of you make some extremely valid points about fat men vs. fat women. I have noticed that fat men in the media are always portrayed in a less than decent way. The characterizations are far worse than fat women in the media but I think in terms of fat acceptance it is the same. Fat people in general are put in a prejudice that places us in one category regardless of class, race, creed and/or genetics.
Why these stupid stereotypes exist? I’m not sure, but as long as we are fighting for acceptance as a group and not as male or female I think may be well on our way to a revolution against the OMG”obesity epidemic” and its thin followers.
Great post and I think your opinions were very open-minded.
By: Michelle on December 12, 2007
at 12:34 pm
Hi, Liz! Welcome to the fatosphere! The fat men vs. women thing gets brought up now and then, and what I’ve gleaned from the blog discussions is that a) fat men really don’t seem to have a place to get support and b) everyone thinks THEY are suffering the most.
Oh, by the way, the real world *is* better than high school–most of the time. But you still run into your jerks. You just run into more cool people, too. : )
By: Shade on December 12, 2007
at 7:08 pm
Hi there! Also ran into your blog via Shapely Prose.
I know I’m a bit late to the convo, but I think there’s an important point missing from some of the observations made about the different portrayal of fat men and fat women in the media: while it is true the portrayal of fat men in the media often at least borders on if not outright embracing a sort of soft, out-of-control ridiculousness, I think it’s important to note that at least fat men have a portrayal in the media: fat women, for better or for worse, are usually either not present at all or thrown in as matronly or elderly types.
So the media doesn’t paint fat men in an endearing light, true. But it ignores fat women almost completely. Sometimes I wonder if that attempt to make us invisible, to ignore our very existence, isn’t in fact worse.
NOTE: The only place I regularly see fat (usually morbidly obese, BTW) women on the media are those clips of the bodies, usually backsides, of women when the news runs stories on the “Obesity Epidemic.” (!!!)
By: BigLiberty on February 10, 2008
at 12:34 pm
Hi Shade
Well all politics are local and everyone has their own personal cause. When negativity is pointed at a person it always seems the be the worse.
Fat Women do seem to get more of the abusive public comments and Fat Men seem to get more of the medical, hormone, low sperm, too soft, too flabby, can’t jump, needs a bra comments.
Fat Women insults seem to center around attractiveness and Fat Male insults seem to be a attack on their gender.
William
By: William on February 12, 2008
at 8:26 pm
http://malaysia.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080219064250AAUEQc6
Fat women feel they can’t settle for a fat man… Flat honest truth…
They will call it “standards”
I am a fat man… and have been attracted to large women… ( couple bigger than me)… but I always get blown off… They either tend to feel its some type of ‘pity’ or they feel that I only like them cause I am fat too so they think that is the only reason….
Silly enough… small woman… Are usually more accepting… this tends to be true when their fathers were larger men… They seek a male father figure… So this may seem silly but this is one reason you usually see larger men with smaller women… And there is alot of supporting psychology behind it… Besides personal experiences…
Woman tend to like their favorite saying ” I do not like his personality”
And the person could be exactly what they are looking for… but unless he is some toy she can swing around in front of her friends… He will never meet her standards.
You see it goes back to basic psychology … Men tend to be less social than women… While women are very social…
Men by nature are home body’s because of this fact…
Women feel the need to socialize with their friends…
A man rather have some one to be with… Go Fishing? Go hunting? Watch Football game?
A woman rather have someone they can show off.. Go Dancing.. Go to musicals… and the list goes on…
This isn’t stereotyping.. this is natural instincts… This isn’t saying women don’t enjoy foot ball… or fishing.. this is stating women prefer social events.
So when a woman looks for a man … they tend to seek the approval of their friends since relationships should also be social no?
… A man on the other hand… Will seek a friend before a relationship.
(This isn’t highschool talk here… or one niter’s… this is the world)
Does this sound opposite of what you always thought?
Take several courses of psychology… when you reach college it might become more clear…
Sexual attraction is caused by survival of the species… Long ago a larger man showed he was rich and could provide for a family… Now days it shows unhealthy and ‘young’ death.
All of this is wrong and misinformation.. but that is what empowers sexual desires… what will be best dna for the species… Does that mean … We are evil people cause of this? No… this just is the way things are… Honestly Fat men have it alot harder…
Most women tend to belive this is what ‘love’ is…. but I’ll tell you… once you get married you learn what real love is… That sexual desire goes away… what is left is two people…
And hopefully if they didn’t based their entire relationship off ‘love’ … they might actually make it last more than a year… Why do they call it ‘making’ love again?
To the young lady that posted this blog I saw your newer post how you are attending college…. I can tell you … You will start worrying less and less about your weight… and some man will find you.. Do not ever wish you were someone else… cause you never know how good you have it till you lose it…
By: Alot left unsaid... on February 28, 2008
at 1:59 am
“Fat women feel they can’t settle for a fat man… Flat honest truth… They will call it “standards””
WTF? I have seen ple-he-nty of fat couples. A fat man with a thin woman is normal in the media; a fat woman with a thin man is a gag (Jack Spratt could eat no fat…).
“Woman tend to like their favorite saying ” I do not like his personality” And the person could be exactly what they are looking for… but unless he is some toy she can swing around in front of her friends… He will never meet her standards.”
Mmmhmm, us women are just sooooooo superficial. When my boyfriend’s hairline recedes a bit more I’m like totally going to dump him. … Is this a joke? *women* judge *MEN* on their looks? Everyone knows that men go for looks, women go for money!!
“You see it goes back to basic psychology … Men tend to be less social than women… While women are very social… Men by nature are home body’s because of this fact…
Women feel the need to socialize with their friends… A man rather have some one to be with… Go Fishing? Go hunting? Watch Football game? A woman rather have someone they can show off.. Go Dancing.. Go to musicals… and the list goes on…”
What absolute essentialist sexist DRIVEL. According to this author, somehow, when men socialize, it’s not socializing, it’s ‘doing something’. But when women do something, it’s ’socializing’ and ’showing off’. What on earth is HUNTING about, if not showing off how manly and killery you are?
“This isn’t stereotyping.. this is natural instincts… This isn’t saying women don’t enjoy foot ball… or fishing.. this is stating women prefer social events.”
Uhm… wrong. (see above)
“So when a woman looks for a man … they tend to seek the approval of their friends since relationships should also be social no? … A man on the other hand… Will seek a friend before a relationship. (This isn’t highschool talk here… or one niter’s… this is the world)”
This has to be a joke. This writer has just taken popular stereotypes and reversed the genders in an effort to be ‘revealing’ and ‘edgy’. I also like the jibe at highschoolers, as if they don’t understand relationships.
“Take several courses of psychology… when you reach college it might become more clear… Sexual attraction is caused by survival of the species… Long ago a larger man showed he was rich and could provide for a family… Now days it shows unhealthy and ‘young’ death. All of this is wrong and misinformation.. but that is what empowers sexual desires… what will be best dna for the species… Does that mean … We are evil people cause of this? No… this just is the way things are
Bollocks. And btw, evolutionary psychology – as used by laypeople – is basically a huge wank-fest of ‘we are this way because it helps us survive, therefore it’s natural and we can’t really help it’. Anything, absolutely anything, even ridiculous and contradictory things, can be ‘explained’ by amateur evolutionary psych – it’s the scientific equivalent of saying ‘goddidit’; ‘evolutiondidit’.
I’ve taken ’several courses of psychology’, btw.
… Honestly Fat men have it alot harder…”
Hmm, let me think, who would have a more difficult time? Someone with one social disadvantage, or someone with one social disadvantage and an entire history of subjugation?
“Most women tend to belive this is what ‘love’ is…. but I’ll tell you… once you get married you learn what real love is… That sexual desire goes away… what is left is two people… ”
Sexual desire goes away when you get married? Is this guy for realsies? (If it did, nobody would have children after they were married…)
“And hopefully if they didn’t based their entire relationship off ‘love’ … they might actually make it last more than a year… Why do they call it ‘making’ love again? To the young lady that posted this blog I saw your newer post how you are attending college…. I can tell you … You will start worrying less and less about your weight… and some man will find you.. Do not ever wish you were someone else… cause you never know how good you have it till you lose it…”
Yeah, blogger, feel lucky for being fat and picked on! When you’re all alone after the nuclear winter and only you have survived because of your copious fat stores, you will long for the company of another human being, and wish you had fully embraced life even when society was dehumanizing you because of your weight!
Uh.
By: Jess on June 2, 2008
at 1:42 pm
Thank you so much for that rebuttal Jess… I seriously don’t remember approving that asshole comment. Stupid asshole comment..
By: lovemeformexox on June 3, 2008
at 8:20 pm
Alot Left Unsaid’s name is pretty accurate, there’s a lot left unsaid about his theory’s. So much so, I feel the need to poke lots of holes in them.
Jess, you have done a wonderful job with your rebuttal, I just felt the need to write something myself.
Fat women feel they can’t settle for a fat man… Flat honest truth…They will call it “standards”
My dear, everyone has “standards”; some are superficial, others are used to calculate what a partner will bring to a relationship. For instance, my “relationship” standards are first and foremost that he be someone I would have as a dear friend, then that he be gainfully employed, own/rent his own place, and have a car/his own mode of transportation. The first standard being because if I obviously wouldn’t feel comfortable sharing my friendship with this person, what chance do they have at sharing a relationship with me? As for the other three, I would hope for a woman to want a person as independent as herself as a partner. (Please note that I am speaking in a dating concept rather than as a married couple concept. Stay-at-home moms, you have a tough job, and I salute you for it.)
As for “settling”, why should we settle? Why should anyone “settle”? That very word implies that you’re not *insert your own adjective here* enough for an equal and loving mate. How dare you assume that we should, that any of us, should “settle”. Obviously no fairy-tale prince/princess is coming to sweep us off our feet, but damnnit, we deserve someone who makes us feel that way. Assuming anything less sounds a bit like a whinging, poor-me, defeatist attitude. And that, mon cher, is pas très sexy.
Woman tend to like their favorite saying ” I do not like his personality”
Perhaps this is just true. Perhaps instead of grasping at straws and passing blame, one examines why ladies are saying this. Are you shy? Antisocial? Do you tell off-color jokes? Are you lacking tact? Do you often you sarcasm as a defense mechanism? If one hears this often enough, then perhaps it’s a matter of figuring out what about one’s personality that is turning ladies off. But then, it’s always eaiser to blame others, n’est-ce pas?
You see it goes back to basic psychology … Men tend to be less social than women… While women are very social…Men by nature are home body’s because of this fact…Women feel the need to socialize with their friends…
Then why do I always see men roaming around in packs like dogs on the scent? I see them at bars, at concerts, sports games, etc. In fact, I more often than not see men in a large group when they are trying to chat up ladies. Men are just as social as women, they just have different outlets for it and different ways of connecting with other men.
So when a woman looks for a man … they tend to seek the approval of their friends since relationships should also be social no?… A man on the other hand… Will seek a friend before a relationship.
Now this is an utter pillock talking. It’s true, women often seek the approval of their choice of partner from their friends, but it is often because they can see things that we’re often blinded too in the early stages of a relationship. But I’ve never heard a woman tell another that her choice was a “buther” person “Oh her sense of humour is great, buther(or his) ass is huge!” Nor have I ever heard women use the old Moped line on another’s boyfriend, “dating a fat girl’s like riding a moped. You enjoy the ride, but would hate to have your friends catch you with one.”
And yes, I have heard these and many more tasteless references from men describing their friends’ ladies.
Take several courses of psychology… when you reach college it might become more clear…Sexual attraction is caused by survival of the species… Long ago a larger man showed he was rich and could provide for a family… Now days it shows unhealthy and ‘young’ death.
All of this is wrong and misinformation.. but that is what empowers sexual desires… what will be best dna for the species… Does that mean … We are evil people cause of this? No… this just is the way things are… Honestly Fat men have it alot harder…/i>
First off sweetheart, are you a psychologist? If you are, what’s your field of study? Are you a gender specialist? Women’s Studies major? Poli-sci? Just how many psychology courses *have* you taken?
Secondly, when it comes to sexual attraction, there is some truth about it’s primal base in ensuring the survival of the species. However, what it’s encompassed by is often an array of different, yet similar things. There’s symmetry, breasts being seen as walking advertisements for the presence of fat reserves for sustaining pregnancies, and of course the wist-to-hip ratio and how a narrow one sends the message “look at me, I’m not preggo, make me yours!”. Anything that makes either person a better candidate for producing offspring with superior genes is seen at a subconscious level as attractive.
In some parts of the world, yes, larger women are seen as attractive, desirable. That’s often because in these parts of the world, people are starving. Having the fat on them is a sign of endurance through famine. In fact, there are some customs of having a bride go to a feeding farm in order to maker herself more attractive. Isn’t that just the reverse of over-dieting here? It’s the same pressure to be attractive to the other mate.
But here’s the third thing. Women are the receivers, we have the power to decide what dna we accept into our bodies, yet so many of us throw that power away because we don’t see ourselves as worthy. Worse yet, the idea that women should shape ourselves into this impossible ideal for the sake of getting a mate as pictured in the media has sent more women spiraling into depression, eating-disorders, self-injury, and even death. So my dears, while I don’t discount the feelings of men who are larger, how many can give evidence that more men suffer from ED-related trauma than women? How many suffer from body dysmorphia?
Most women tend to belive this is what ‘love’ is…. but I’ll tell you… once you get married you learn what real love is… That sexual desire goes away… what is left is two people… And hopefully if they didn’t based their entire relationship off ‘love’ … they might actually make it last more than a year… Why do they call it ‘making’ love again?
Love should never come with strings or conditions. But sometimes it does. And not everyone who marries learns what love is. The divorce rate is jumping radically, common-law couples are soaring. Unmarried parents are everywhere. As for the sexual desire, it changes as time goes by. It fluctuates, sometimes it’s stronger in one person than another. But if it disappears completely, then that is a problem. You can try to rediscover it, especially if every other part of the relationship is still strong, but if you find it absent and not likely to return, there is a problem. Who wants to be married to someone who no longer desires them?
Looking back on his diatribe, his comment boils down to a series of patronizing, whinging, sexist pity party. And I am calling him out on it.
I am a first-time commenter, but a long time reader. And as my darling boyfriend would say, vous êtes une jeune femme très intelligente, sophistiquée, charmante et jolie.
By: Pair of Cha-Cha Heels on June 5, 2008
at 6:57 am
Wow…..Having stumbled on this site whilst looking for something else (not completely unrelated just something else), I am overwhelmed with all the different perspectives.
It’s true, we all feel alone in our pain and suffering until someone else has the courage to speak their mind.
So here’s my 2 cents.
Do fat women have it harder than fat men? I would say that it has less to do with size and gender than it does with personality.
I’m 43 and still alone and have never had a boyfriend (the gay one doesn’t count). I have been through so many ups and downs with my level of self esteem.
On the one hand, I think I’m great. Smart, funny, good company, interesting, and shockingly (to me at least) I have also felt pretty. But, as time has passed and Mr. Right (or even Mr. Right Now) has not materialized, I have begun to doubt myself in every way. I know I’m still smart, but am I truly funny, am I good company, am I interesting and lastly, but still very importantly, am I attractive and desirable in any way?
I don’t know. The lack of any attention, good or bad, has made me feel ugly, alone, boring, and worthless. And yet, I still like myself.
I don’t know what everyone’s experiences have been, but my existence has been romance/sex free. The only offers I have received have been from married men, men who are old enough to be my father and/or grandfather or just the game playing lies of some stupid moron.
I am truly the stereotypical fat girl. I have friends and my male friends think of me as a maternal figure or someone to help them with their own love lives (excluding me as being classified as desriable female).
I often wonder if it’s th town I live in. I often wonder if I’m too smart for my own good. I also wonder if I’m too picky or is it my growing lack of confidence that keeps the men away (and yeah, I’ve heard that old boring line waaay too many times “If only you had more confidence in yourself” to which I now reply “Bull sh-t”). Seriously, I don’t know how hard others have it, but I know my life isn’t how I thought it would be when I was a bright eyed, hopeful young teen.
The world has disappointed me, so I no longer expect much.
So, that brings us back to the question. Do fat women have it harder or do fat men have it harder?
I don’t know, but I don’t know this. Sometimes, life sucks and we just have to get over it!
*sigh*
Carry on!
By: oldfatandalone on August 3, 2008
at 6:58 pm
I was reading your post on fat men vs. fat women and I was really surprised by the comments you received from that man. I don’t perceive as many negatives about fat men in our society. Fat male stars are never given the harassment in the media that female celebrities of even normal weights (as opposed to underweight) are given. A current example of this is that Warren Sapp is a very big former football player on Dancing With the Stars and everyone loves him, but when the former star of Hairspray was on the show many bloggers were putting her down because of her weight although she wasn’t nearly as big as Warren proportionately.
While I haven’t seen any heterosexual websites for BBMs there are plenty of us women out there who like them. And there are plenty of websites devoted to “Bears” in the homosexual community – usually big, furry men.
I also had a personal experience of this discrimination of fat men vs. fat women. My first boyfriend was 70 pounds overweight and I was about 40 pounds overweight, but his friends gave him grief for “settling’ for a fat girl.
By: Beth Rang on November 5, 2008
at 11:20 am
Hi
The title of this thread is Fat “Men vs. Fat Women”, but in reality most of these debates center on the theme “Fat Men have little or no need for Fat Acceptance”. Even in this thread there are enough comments by Women of the lack or nonexistence of Fat Male Issues to prove my point.
I do not think there has been one male on this thread commenting on Charybdis’ entry who has not acknowledged that Fat Women are a primary target for Fat Bias, but does that fact have a direct correlation to the level of acceptance for Fat Men?
I also think that Fat Acceptance is just as wrong as Society is on Fat in general if Fat Men are not allowed to define who they are and what they have experienced.
William
By: William on November 8, 2008
at 7:09 am
It seems to me that you’re both right; fat people in general just have it rougher. And while I agree that a lot of BBW sites only encourage idolotry as opposed to acceptance, in a lot of ways, sexual acceptance is more potent than any other kind…Though, I suppose that is up to interpretation.
I just wanted to add that personally, I’m EXTREMELY fond of fat men.
I’m very much excited about the fact that I’m not the only 17-year-old girl who can use proper grammar and some level of maturity online. Yay!
By: Sophie on November 26, 2008
at 6:41 pm
I’ve always thought about those differences between fat men and fat women, I’ve always said to my girlfriend (we’re both chubby) if we were to both put an ad online I assure you 100% you’d get a lot more responses, of course there’s a main reason where men are a lot more sexual (or in other words, hornier). Or simply put, most men like anything with boobs. So I can say that it’s the mere fact that men are easier, more “desperate” than women, that gaps the difference, women can have the luxury to be more picky because they know it.
By: Randy on June 3, 2009
at 4:39 am
I came across this blog when I googled “Portrayal of Fat Women in the Media”, a subject I decided to research after noticing (over time) that many mediums of entertainment with fat women tended to characterize them as having negative traits that extended far beyond being fat or even being attractive. For example, I have seen fat women be portrayed as emotionally unstable, controlling, bitchy, raunchy, etc.
That’s not to say that there aren’t skinny women who aren’t as undesirable personality-wise, however, so many attractive (and of course in the media this implies thin) women have an ideal personality that far outweighs any positive portrayal of fat women.
The only positive portrayal of a fat woman (of a young age – in otherwords, eligible for sexual desire and objectification, heh) I can currently think of is in Shallow Hal, and if you know the story, you know that can only half count.
Fat men have it bad too, don’t get me wrong, however, I think that fat women have it worse. My contemplation over this subject may be more extensive than that of the average person, however, I really do not think I am qualified to come up with a valid conclusion yet.
I have to wrap this up soon :/
“the reality is that men are expected to at least not be obese while women are often encourage to be so.”
^How the hell did anyone ever come to that conclusion? Women are encouraged to be obese? That’s absolute nonsense. Women are constantly told via magazines and movies that thin is the only way to be desirable. It may often be indirect (but many times blatant), however, when someone says that women are encouraged to be obese I wonder what kind of delusional world this person lives in. Do they live their lives in front of a screen on websites that only reflect this skewed viewpoint?
WHAT IS YOUR SOURCE?!?!
By: Casey on August 9, 2009
at 7:18 am