So today I went with my mom to the hairdresser (she was getting a haircut, and I got my eyebrows thinned out- they were begining to look catipillar-ish  as they often do lol.. I’m sorry but I just can’t stand stray mini hairs above my eyes, drives me nuts!… I do like thick brows though.. i should find a picture that shows how I like, i don’t like them pencil thin.. looks weird… anyway i am getting off topic here lol)

So i went with my mom to the hairdresser, and while i was there i was kinda bored. So what do I do? I look at all the magazines sitting in the little magazine basket. Lo and Behold there are a few ‘In Touch’/'People’/whatevertheotherstupidnames are in said basket. So, like I always do when i am bored, i read through them (I love to read, and having anything to read makes me much less bored. Plus it would be weird to just stare at the hairdresser the entire time lol). Sadly, the effect of reading them is not a pleasant one.

I think that after all the acceptance i’ve made with my body so far, I can look at celebrities and not feel like i am god awful pig anymore because i am not a stick. That’s almost totally gone, but reading these stupid things just makes me go back like 10 gazillion steps after i’ve come 11 gazillion steps so far. As i said before, it’s not as bad as it used to be, but it still isn’t good.

Every other page I see an ad for weight loss, showing the fat before picture all sad and miserable with horrible lightening, makeup, and clothing. Then you look at see the beautiful thin version! Shining like a star and looking gorgeous and perfect and blah blah blah. I can go a few of these and actually look at the before picture and think it looks a lot better (I do this a lot actually), but after reading through two magazines, their messages start to sink into my brain. My Fantasy-of-being-thin comes back (read that post btw, it is soo good). “Look Liz, if you drop to a size zero, heck even a size 4!, you will be perfect and pretty and thin and light and have all the boyfriends in the world because you are so fabulous and everyone will love you because you’re beautiful and you will be soooo happy!” Mixed with the desire of being the most beautiful, popular, pretty, wanted girl in high school, is not a combination for success.

I just hate how these thoughts creep into my head. I don’t want them there. -Note to those thoughts in my head- GO AWAY!!!

Those magazines are like a universe unto their own. Fuck one minute a celebrity is preggers because she has a ‘bump’? What, you mean that little round thing that is called a STOMACH? (wait, celebrities have those?). Then the next minute they are anorexic. It’s ridiculous. They mess with my brain. And yet they are so addicting! I hate them but I love them, i hate what they do to me yet i love to just disappear into this stupid world of “omg she wore THAT?”.. Why?whywhywhywhy? I hate what they stand for and i still read them. Heck i hate what they do to ME and i still read them. What is up with that?

Not to mention when i looked in the back of the mag there were all these advertisments- One was to enhance one’s butt, another to enhance breasts, then another one to lose like a zillion pounds in 2 days (erm, or something like that..). It’s ridiculous. It sends such a confused message. Like, I want to love myself, but then i read those and it’s hard. Not to mention they critisize every part of a woman’s body like it’s their business.

Atleast now I realize that even though they are so addicting to read and i read them anyway, that they are more for fun. They are stupid, ignorant, but fun because none of these people in these magazines are me. I pretty much realize they are total crap (my dad agrees and states this opinion frequenty). I think theiraffect on my view of myself has weakened, because I realize that “Hey, these magazines are CRAP”. I do read them, though that probably isn’t the ‘right’ answer to this problem, i’m being honest with myself, they are sadly fun to read, even if i hate the message they send. It makes me feel like I am being part of the problem by continuing to read them.

I think i will collect a bunch of them and then ceremoniously burn them. It shall be Celmagburn day! or something…

They seriously just need to go away… the world would be a much better place without them.

(except that they are so damn addicting!)

(…. curses!)

You know what? Don’t even get me started on the whole “Jennifer Love Hewitt” is fat. Fuck, if she is fat then I must be a goddamn whale.

Seriously! Come on people….

 hm… this post was very unorganized and doesn’t seem to make much sense… oh well, seems like all my posts are like that (to me anyway).. ehh my thoughts are a messy and incohesive place lol, so i guess my blog would be the same.