Okay, So last night my dad drove me out to Barnes and Noble because I wanted to buy a magazine (lol, I really wanted to get this magazine!) and we really talked in the car. About serious stuff, just about all kinds of stuff. One of the things I am happy we talked about was Fat Acceptance.
In the past my dad has told me that he would like for me to lose some weight (he believes in the whole “eat less, exercise more” way to lose weight…. what do I think about that? Well yes, if you fucking starved me and forced me for run 12 hours on a treadmill I would damn well lose weight. Would I be happy? Hell no! Would I be healthy? Oh wait, I need to think about this one! It’s a tricky one! I would be thin, so wouldn’t that make me healthy? um.. NO! gah..)….
But anyway, that comment really pushed me back. Do I need to mention that he told me this on New Year’s Eve? Ya know, when all those diet ads are being shown nonstop? Yeah, it didn’t do me any good. I went into this whole I should be healthier mode, which that is not a bad thing, but I also associated it with “I need to lose X pounds to “unobese” myself. Is that a good thing now? NO! It is not, actually, a good thing.
I got back to feeling awesome in my body maybe after a week though, so I wasn’t too bad. Him saying that just stuck with me though, and I couldn’t shake it off. I would just think “I’m fucking awesome just the way I am…. but my dad thinks I should lose a few pounds…” It just hurts. Part of the reason it hurts is because I trust my dad, I think he is a great guy, and he is in no way a jerk. So I know he doesn’t mean it as “omg my daughter is an ugly fatty get skinny now!” kinda way. He just doesn’t get the whole view that you should eat healthy and exercise without having to lose weight, and that shook me.
So anyway, my point in this post was about our discussion we had on the way to buying my magazine. I feel as though I got out my feelings on the subject of being fat and of fat acceptance- as best I could at this point in time. I’m no orator, so I’m not sure how I came across or anything, but I said what I wanted to say. I remember talking about how so much of the “medical crisis” about obesity is crap. I remember saying that I am for fat acceptance, because it doesn’t matter whether you are fat and eat like a saint, or if you are fat and eat whatever the fuck you feel like, it doesn’t matter about your eating habits or exercise routine – No fat person (regardless of circumstances)deserves to be treated as something that isn’t human. That is just fucking wrong.
We shouldn’t praise fat people only if they eat celery all day and exercise a lot. The reason I think I would like to eat healthier foods and exercise is to show them all that “hey look at this fattie! I’m eating like a normal fucking person and exercising just like everyone else, and I’M STILL FAT!”. I would like to show them all, but I don’t want that to be the reason for eating more (I am going to change ‘healthy’ to ‘nutritious’ because healthy seems a bit more up to the person reading) nutritious foods to be just that. I’d like to eat more nutritious foods because they are good for my amazing body, and my body deserves it. It also deserves some fucking potatoe chips every now and then.
And another thing. You know how you hear that if you cut soda from your drinking palette or whatever that you will lose 200 calories a week which equals 5 pounds a month and 50 pounds a year? That is a bunch of bullshit! I’m still fat and I don’t even drink soda, I hate the stuff. I also do not drink whole milk- i drink skim milk (and not because it’s “healthier” I drink it because I just like it better than whole milk), so strike that off the list of “omg things that make you fat” list. Water, skim milk, green tea, orange juice. There, that’s about all I drink. And guess what guys? I AM STILL FAT! Really Liz? YES FOR REALZ!
Sorry I got off topic.. I’m feeling very rant-ie today. There was one thing my dad said that I was like “um.. okay?”. He said that I was acting obsessive about the ‘fat thing’ and that I think i need to stay fat in order to do that. And that he thinks it’s dumb that I am acting all warrior like to fight agianst something that he thinks won’t ever change. As he said “it’s like pissing in the wind”. You know what? It might be an uphill battle, but so what. I am not going to settle for less than I deserve, I’m not going to take this shit. I won’t let someone else take my happiness away from me, or deny me rights because of it. So if that makes me a fighter or whatever he called it, then yes, i am proud to be one.
Atleast he seems to be more on my side that my mother. All she does is talk crap about her body and how she looks awful. I can’t stand when she does that. It just needs to stop. It really, really, needs to stop. She always buys the Women’s magazines that I fucking loathe. I wish I could take them from her and burn them I hate them that much. Every week it’s the same shit after shit – “Lose 21 pounds by May!” “We lost 460 pounds!” “The brand new super amazing magical diet that melts pounds away!”
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!
ugh.. I don’t know if my mom will ever be happy in her body. I feel like I get a lot of my own insecurities from her. Actually, both my parents seems to have insecurities. And they affect me. When my mom says she has the stomach of a whale- how is that supposed to make me feel? It’s just awful and I hate hearing it. If she says that crap around me I will leave or counter it with something else.
On the brightside of all this- it seems like my dad is starting to get it. He’s smart (and he has mentioned to me before how ridiculous my mother’s women magazines how. As he says “if any of those diets worked that magazine would be out of business”) and I think he could get there someday. I’m hoping that my mom will eventually be happy with her body and quit hating on it. Reading all those magazines and people magazines that all praise losing weight and getting back the pregnancy body and stuff- they need to go away, because all they do is hurt her I think. I’
People are actually saying you will lose 50 pounds if you stop drinking soda?!?!?!
I’m starting to talk to my mother about FA a bit more, too. I feel like it’s a little bit too late, because she already had the lap-band surgery 2-3 years ago. Regardless, I would like her to see herself as the beautiful, sexy woman that everyone else does.
By: zombie z on January 22, 2008
at 6:43 pm
You would love my mother. She loves food and loves to cook. She thinks diets are a sham, and that she is allergic to them. Though, she is by no means fat (she is 5′3″ and 120lbs), she encourages me to love my body, and my sister (who is built bigger) to love hers.
By: zephyrgirl on January 22, 2008
at 7:11 pm
Water, skim milk, green tea, orange juice. There, that’s about all I drink. And guess what guys? I AM STILL FAT! Really Liz? YES FOR REALZ!
It’s the orange juice! Don’t you know how much sugar is in that?!?! (I’m joking, but I have heard many a dieter tell me how evil orange juice is).
And my mom is the same as yours – it’s difficult and depressing to hear her talk about how disgusting she is. And whenever I try to mention FA to her, she turns it around and starts criticising my weight. All I can say is – it’s not your responsibility to make your mom love herself. All you can do is love yourself (and you’re getting off to a great start! I wish I’d had as much self confidence as you when I was a teen!)
By: Becky on January 22, 2008
at 7:48 pm
You have a great seventeen-year-old head on your shoulders. I wish that I had the perspective that you had when I was 17 (I’m nearly 50). Maybe it isn’t possible for your mothers (who are my age) to accept their bodies as they are. They have been through the roller-coaster of having bad body images (promoted by 30-40 more years of manipulative and destructive media) for so many years that they can’t think straight.
Acceptance was not an issue for us growing up. There was no community to let us know that our bodies, as long as we nourish, exercise, and take care of them, are fine in any shape, shade, and size.
By: Sue on January 28, 2008
at 11:03 am
Liz, I agree that there is this ridiculous obsession with being skinny in our society. On the one hand, we have the skinny models, air brushed in the silly magazines, and on the other, we are bombarded with too much food.
I think it is important to be happy and live the way you want to, but there is a lot of truth to staying a healthy weight and exercising. You will move easier, breathe easier, live longer (and healthier.)
There is a way to have your chips and be healthy too. It doesn’t have to be either or. You can maintain a healthy weight (And for different people, that is different too) and still indulge in treats sometimes.
No one likes to be told what to do and your father talking to you about that, I am sure threw you. Also, watching what your Mom does to herself is sad too.
Make your own decisions, but make sure they aren’t just decisions born out of rebellion and are well thought out.
If you are happy, that is fantastic.
I am a Health and Wellness coach and work with people all the time on being Happy and Healthy. For some people that involves losing weight. For some it is eating better and fitting in exercise. Some people are never going to be super thin, and I don’t think that should be a the goal.
But there is something wonderful about being able to run, move easily, wear the clothes you want to, and have treats too! Good luck with everything! Diana Fletcher
By: coachfletcher on July 8, 2008
at 7:06 am
I’m going to politely address Fletcher’s comment above me and say… stop preaching to the choir. Liz is an active girl who lives a healthy livestyle. She already knows she can eat her potato chips and be healthy; she’s trying to tell other people that. Her decisions aren’t being born out of “rebellion”; she’s questioning a system based on making people feel inadequate about themselves and then making a profit that deserves to be questioned (I notice the link to your page has ads trying to sell your wellness book, hmm?). “Some people are never going to be super thin,” some people aren’t going to be thin, some people aren’t even going to be “average.” But that doesn’t mean they’re not healthy.
Sorry, Liz… I do think that lady has your best interests at heart, but that comment was just laced with the subtleties of fat=unhealthy, teenager=stupid, “I say this because I love you and want you to be healthy” etc. that I had to respond.
I’m sorry your father talked to you the way he did. Props for at least trying to talk to him about it; I don’t think my father would ever get it. You’re NOT obsessive about being fat… what you are is actively participating in a fat/size acceptance movement that makes you feel loved, confident, and HEALTHY. That’s a huge difference from obsession.
Unfortunately, my mother does the same thing as yours. Despite the fact that she eats like a rabbit, raises a family, and runs a school building, she is still overly concerned with her weight. And I think it’s fair to say we get our insecurities from our mothers. If Mommy doesn’t like the way she looks (but you thought she was just fine), then how do you see yourself? More kudos to you for being to rise above it though. You’re such an inspiration!
Glad I found this article. I’m totally hooked on your blog. Keep writing!
By: dollyann on July 10, 2008
at 5:32 pm