So.. I think I have decided which college I want to go to. Much as it pains me to choose one over the other, whenever I imagine going to college I always picture myself at the one. I really really can’t believe this it and it’s decided. I mean, obviously if I hate it I will change to somewhere else or something, but for now the decision is pretty much done. It feels weird just saying that outloud…
Anyway, now – since I can’t spazz about what college I am picking- I am starting to spazz a bit about the major I have chosen.
Okay, first, you have to know something about me. I have never had a job that I really really wanted to do (unless you count being a vet or a teacher when I was in 4th grade..). I was never like “I want to be an astronaut!” or “I want to be an interior designer!” or whatever… I never had a “dream” job. I mean, one could say my dream would be to draw whateve I want for people and live off it, but that ain’t gonna happen. Or that I dream of majoring in Japanese and going to Japan. NNNHG! Not gonna happen. I hate to be a bubble burster, but money does do crap for you. And i’m not saying I want to be rich and buy everything I want because money i all that matters or anything, I just am aware that it is needed.
And I really hate feeling like this. My best friend (whom you may know as Nerd Girl or Emuhlee) knows she wants to be a teacher (I believe it is an Elementary School Teacher no? I don’t want to say that and be wrong or ask if thats right like I don’t know lol, just checking). She wants to be one. I wish I had that. That feeling of “I WANT to be this! I want to DO this with my life”.. I just never did.
First I thought about being a Graphic Designer, but then I realized I don’t want to do art for a living, because then i will be sick of it and won’t want to do it for fun (reading books for English is another Example of the Fun Sucker). Maybe for some people that isn’t true, but I know it would be for me.
Then my mom suggested Pharmacuitical (god I can’t even spell it).. but that didn’t last long. Then, I don’t even remember how it came up in the first place, but I looked into Nursing.
I was never in a Hospital for anything serious myself, not many people I know have been either. So I don’t have any “inspirational” stories of how a nurse helped me and it made me want to be one. Wish I did, but I don’t. I just know I looked into it and it seemed like something I could do. It seemed that Nursing students could have a C from High School and be fine, while I was taking adv. classes and getting Bs (not trying to diss anyone with that, I am just saying that it seemed like something I could handle..). I generally like to help people out and make them feel better. I generally am very happy and I listen to what people say. I just seemed like a fitting choice. I soon realized how many people around me were nurses- my great aunt was, my old babysitter, a friend of the family.
Everyone else seems to think i would be good and it and it would fit me. It’s not that I don’t agree with that, it’s just that i have no idea what I want. No clue! I mean, you have your basics- be happy, be comfortable, whatever. Not to mention it seems I wouldn’t have to worry about finding a job since there is such a nursing shortage and whatnot.
One of the few things that reassures me about this choice is that I love Anatomy and Physiology. I do. I love being in that class, even if it is first period. I find it fascinating how the body works. Maybe because I never knew how much it does for me before, what with all the hating of it.
But I’m worried I won’t be good at it or that I won’t like it (or both). I am nervous in new situations and shy around people I don’t know. I’m getting better at that, but that’s one of the reasons I am so petrified of going to college- I don’t remember how to make friends. I havn’t had to in awhile. I mean, I’ve made new friends this year, but it’s not like they were total strangers before. I don’t know, I’m just worried I won’t be able to do it in a new environment and stuff.
Plus I am scared to talk on the friggin phone! Yes, I am afraid to call people on the phone. It is so fucking stupid of me, but I don’t like to. I’m fine calling my friends and stuff, but when I have to call a stranger or a business or something, i get nervous and I don’t like to do it. I know that is bad because I’m going to have to talk to people on the phone sometime in my life. I need to get over it.
I dunno… I’m just worried because i’ve never really had a job that I really wanted to do or work to get too. I don’t know what I’m that good at. I’m not as smart as some of my friends, as pretty as some of them, as social as some of them, as normal as practically all of them, or as confident as them. And I’m scared… I’m just scared i’ll be bad, I won’t understand, I won’t be confident, I won’t fit it, I won’t make friends, I won’t be happy.
Maybe this is irrational fear of my major choice (ironic pun there…) and going to college in general… I don’t knowwww….
First – hi, I’ve been reading and lurking. Found you from Shapely Prose, I think.
Onto advice (which I LOVE giving, so yay)…
Don’t worry too much about your major – and definitely don’t choose a major based on the job you might get when you’re done. That backs you into so many corners – even if you’re sure of what you want to do (you could change your mind in college – or after you’ve graduated), and especially with “professional” majors (like nursing or teaching, as opposed to Spanish or biology). If you major in nursing and find out that you don’t actually want to be a nurse, your options are pretty limited.
(Plus, if you love anatomy and physiology, why not think about being a doctor? The myth that all doctors are type-A valedictorians is just that… a myth. If it interests you, go for it!)
Just go to college and take the classes that sound like fun (and the ones you have to take to graduate). You’ll find your major. Me, I was planning on majoring in East Asian Studies. Then I happened to take a class in geography and fell in love with it, so I majored in that. In grad school, I was concentrating on foreign policy (my grad degree is in public policy), but then it turned out that all the classes I wanted to take were in public leadership, so I did that instead.
And now? I have a great job and I love it, but I’m coming to realize that I’m not a career-track kind of person. I don’t want to work hard at this job so I can get promoted and so on and so forth – I want to do something totally new. It feels a little scary to realize that, because it isn’t the typical idea of a successful career, but it’s what makes me happy.
(And one last thing – I’m scared of talking on the phone too… EVEN to my friends. I have to psych myself up before I do it!)
By: Victoria on March 12, 2008
at 8:49 pm
i just found the link to your site on the shapely prose blog.
i can just give you a little bit of advice on the whole major thing. please don’t let anyone (family, friends, ect. ) strong arm you into going into and sticking with a certain major, when you don’t feel comfortable with it. some of us know what we want when we first start out, but over time those things change. you might have seen yourself going one way, but in the middle of your sophmore or junior year, you end up not “feeling” the major that you thought would be good for you.
im in the current prediciment. for the past 2 1/2 years, i have been stuck @ a school that in the begining i wanted to be here so badly and to major in commuinications. but by the later part of the spring 07 semester, and even a little bit before that, i beagn to question my reasons for being here. it started to affect me “grade-wise” because i just stopped giving a damn. here i am now, trying to keep my grades up in order to fininsh out my last year and a 1/2.
most college graduates who have a degree in a certain field eventually go into something else completly different career that has nothing to do with the degree. so please don’t stress yourself out over chosing a major. even your advisors will try to force you to find something within your first year. yes that may be good, but go with what is in your heart, not what others want from you.
after HS graduation and once you enter college, its your life, your decision. nobody else is gonna be sitting up there spending 4 years in college with you in a major you hate.
another thing that i suggest is to just take a semester off. don’t rush into it right out of high school. go in the following spring instead of the fall. get out there and experience life before you commit to something that is very time consuming. i should have.
~*cobblahPeaches*~
By: cobblahPeaches on March 12, 2008
at 9:00 pm
I think my problem is I feel like I need to decide.. and not to mention my family hasn’t got that much money for me (but not so little as to get lots of money for awards.. the awkward middle amount that gets the short end of the stick when it comes to financial aid) and I don’t want to mess around. I feel like I need to decide, and that they are pressuring me.. Hell, I feel like everyone is pressuring me! Not to mention the Nursing curriculum is pretty much written in stone. I pretty much have my whole four years planned out for me already, there isn’t much room for change- which sucks.
I feel like if my parents had more money that I would enter without a major and just get a feel for what I like, but that uncertainty worries me. (Not to mention my mom would probably never be in favor of it).
I actually never thought much about being a doctor… I think I cut that idea after watching Scrubs or something and seeing how crazy it seemed to be (I am aware it is a TV show lol) I just don’t know if I could handle it (not to mention I watch House and Grey’s Anatomy… god I am a medical show fanatic.. I see what they “do” and just am in awe at it)… Maybe I just need to clear up what nurses do and what doctors do so I am crystal clear. And again, for the doctor job there is a lot more school (I think? Like I said, I don’t know too much) and I have no idea what job placement is like… Maybe I just don’t know if B student-sucks-at-memorizing-stuff me could do it… Maybe I need reassurances… I have no idea T_T… and to be reassured that it isn’t all about the money and the job placement, i just feel that without that assurance I will suck at life or something..
And this comment is a bazillion paragraphs lol…
By: lovemeformexox on March 12, 2008
at 9:03 pm
^^ Hi cobblahPeaches!!
(advice is always welcome here
)
I think you are right about the family thing… I really feel like I should listen to them and I don’t want to not have their approval. But I also don’t want to be unhappy or uncomfortable. I wish I could shake this feeling of feeling like I need to have my major- but I just do. I feel like if I go into a major where job placement is uncertain or whatever, that I won’t make it because i can’t compete. If I go into Nursing it’s pretty much (I won’t say garunteed) a sure thing to get a job, since there will a shortage and blahblah. That security is something I feel like I need, but I don’t like feeling like that. I don’t like making my decisions on whether or not I will be “secure” in my future or whatever..
I’m worried that if I do change my mind halfway through my parents will be worried because they don’t have the money for me to take another 2 years to figure out what I want.
I hope everything works out for you with college. (I wish I was a better advice-giver, I’m usually the person who is really good at listening and being there than giving great advice.)
“but go with what is in your heart, not what others want from you. after HS graduation and once you enter college, its your life, your decision. nobody else is gonna be sitting up there spending 4 years in college with you in a major you hate.”
That is definitely true, and I shouldn’t forget that… Actually, I need to listen to it in the first place…
I was always worried about not going to college right away because “statistics often show that students who wait to go to college don’t go back at all and blahblahblah”.. Not mention that if that means I would have to work at where I work now (Chicken Resturaunt.. I HATE working at restuarunts!) lol.. That’s not very fun life experiences lol.. But I do get what your saying… I would be nice to have a break before you have to go back to the “real world”…
By: lovemeformexox on March 12, 2008
at 9:24 pm
i just discovered your blog and im completely overwelmed by its awsome-ness. Im a Fat and fabulous high school senior too and its so nice to relate to someone. You inspire me!
By: Laura on March 13, 2008
at 12:06 am
Don’t they offer work experience programs over there? I wanted to be a nurse until I did a week of work experience… changed my mind damn fast after that!
By: Bri on March 13, 2008
at 12:44 am
Hi! Another lurker here… ;o)
If you think that you would like to work in the medical field, why don’t you volunteer in your local hospital? You could see how things really are regarding stress and day-to-day life and you could talk to nurses or other hospital employees to find out more about their jobs. There are more professions than doctor or nurse, e. g. speech therapists, physical therapists, lab techs, etc. etc.
Just do yourself a favor and don’t believe the TV shows you see! *grin* I worked for lawyers for many years, and it’s much different than you see in TV – not as glamorous or as exciting.
Regarding your telephone angst: When I started working in an office I was 16 and scared to death of talking to stangers on the phone, because I was afraid that I wouldn’t understand what they were trying to tell me or that I would screw everything up. Well, I HAD to talk to clients and couldn’t always rely on my colleague to do all the phone work. Now it’s hardly a problem, even with foreign callers with THICK accents or having to talk in different languages (I’m multilingual).
You have to practice and remember that you are talking to a human being, even if you can’t see that person. If you don’t understand something, ask again. Nobody is going to rip your head off. Remember, nobody was born as a telephone master…
BTW: I am 25 (soon to be 26) and still don’t know what I want to do when I grow up.
I’m currently back a school and am going to university next year, but I don’t know what I’m going to major in. I have always been sooo jealous of people who have always known what they want to do (job-wise).
By: Karin on March 13, 2008
at 9:50 am
Your fear is not irrational–it’s totally rididiculous to make people pick something to do 40 hours a week forever and expect them to be happy. I had a big sigh of relief when I read “A Language Older Than Words” by Derrick Jensen. It was the best book I ever read. It’s about culture, it’s about what really matters, and in one part he basically says that being forced to work for something 40 hours a week is not a natural way to live. Most people hate their jobs, or wouldn’t do them if they didn’t have to. This is normal. This totally turned my thinking upside down–there *is no* perfect job for me. I want to dance sometimes, play with friends, ride my bike, etc. Of course. This is what being human is. Nothing is fun prescribed for 40 hours. No wonder I couldn’t think of anything.
So understanding this helped me know–my life is what I make it, and I just have to find a major that is fun enough for now, and then get a job that is good enough but really make my life about my life and not my job. My first job out of college allowed me to speak Spanish. Now I can speak Spanish well and am moving on to the next thing. There is no perfect job, just living my life, and that’s a great thing.
Pick something, change it if you need to, and don’t sweat it. If you love French, do it. It doesn’t matter if you never use it. Employers just want to see that you HAVE a degree. It doesn’t matter what it is, so enjoy this time and study what you love, it might be your only chance to really get in depth on these subjects.
By: earthgirl on March 13, 2008
at 10:50 am
Hi, I read your blog regularly but I have never posted, but I thought I might offer some advice.
I couldn’t tell you much about picking your major because it was also a difficult decision for me. All I can say is go with what feels right for you and no one else. I am in the last part of my first year of college and I have finally decided on a major.
As far as making friends, I am sure you will be fine. I was really nervous and freaking out on my first day of class. I thought I wasn’t going to make any friends at all because I am also very shy in new situations. Well I was wrong, I made some really close friends and a lot of just other casual friends. I dont think you ever forget how to make friends, it just takes a while. Just remember that everyone is nervous and unsure on the first few days of class but eventually things will be ok. Of course there will be upper classmen who have been there longer that may seem like they know everything and were never nervous about something new. But remember they have and its ok if you are nervous and shy. I hope that helps some. I just wanted to tell you I understand college issues can be pretty rough.
By: ckaylynn on March 13, 2008
at 4:38 pm
As a first year in university, here is some advice:
- don’t worry about making friends. It helps if you are friendly, but there is always some extrovert (like me or one of my roommates) who happens to come along and randomly say hi, and strike up a conversation.
- take baby steps at talking on the phone to strangers, like calling a store to enquire about things, or making an apointment for yourself at something small
- as it has been said before, volunteer at a hospital, local clinic, or something. See what it is like. I talked with a couple of lawyers before I decided I wanted to go into law school, and this was in the middle of Grade 12, so it’s never too late. Plus I did a major project on it (in French nontheless) that required me to research the law proffession in all of Canada. It may not have to be a school project, but research damnit!
Remember, you can always change your mind. Middle-class white subanites have a lot of oppurtunities for change and social mobility, so you have wiggle room. I’m doing a three year degree in sociology, but I’m hoping to pick up some extra classes in French, and beg and plead to be able to take some Communications classes from the business college without actually transfering, because I love Communications stuff, and actually have a lot of practical experience in it – all before I intend to get into law school in 3 years. Nursing is a pretty rigid program, and I can see you as an excellent nurse, or even a doctor. GP’s don’t have anything as hectic in their schedule like you see on TV.
Comment novel, but well.
By: zephyrgirl on March 14, 2008
at 12:54 pm
I always have trouble responding to you when you talk about topics like this one, reason being I just want you to be happy, and Emily–”Ms. Always-Has-An-Answer,” just doesn’t have one for this issue.
In place of some miraculous answer to your problem, I just want to tell you the truth about my own situation, in hopes that it will make you realize you are not alone.
Until third grade, I wanted to be a detective more than anything. My magnifying glass was like, permanently attached to my body. Then, comedy of comedies, I realized that crime scene investigation shows scared me. Suddenly, the idea that the mysteries I’d be solving might include dead bodies was always on my mind. AND THEN, I watched that fateful episode of Little House on the Prairie where Mary taught the blind children how to read braille. From there (to the outside world) it was history. I “knew” I wanted to be a teacher. It all made sense. I love kids. I love helping people. Add them together, and you have a career. Sounds simple, no?
Well it sure as H-E-double hockey sticks isn’t simple! Recently I realized that sometimes younger kids tire me out. I mean, I love them, but what if I can’t deal with them all day long? What if I find myself sitting behind my desk yearning to be talking about something besides how to multiply 3×3? I’ll have an entire college education based on something I don’t want anymore. I’m scared out of my mind that I’ll find out when it’s too late that teaching elementary school kids isn’t for me.
But you know what? I’m not going to let this large cumulus nimbus hovering over my head get me down. I know that I am the only person who can decide what my future career will be. If I get to college and decide I’d rather be doing something else, I’ll take the initiative and DO SOMETHING ELSE! I still get scared from time to time, but I just get this feeling that everything is going to be okay in the end. Then I start singing that song “Don’t worry, be happy,” and the world seems brighter (you know, rainbows, unicorns, leprechauns, chocolate cake, Trix is for kids…etc.).
I hope it helps you a little to know that most people, me included, may seem like they are so sure of what life will hold for them, but really, they have no freaken clue.
MAN! That comment was… looooooooong. Like, really long. Like really super doooper long. Like longer than a really really long thing. Like the longest comment ever. Like, longer than all the days we have to wait until next Christmas! Okay– I’m done.
By: EmUhLee on March 14, 2008
at 4:04 pm
Laura-
woot! Yay for fat and fabulous high school seniors! Glad to know I’m not the only one lol.
Karin-
“Regarding your telephone angst: When I started working in an office I was 16 and scared to death of talking to stangers on the phone, because I was afraid that I wouldn’t understand what they were trying to tell me or that I would screw everything up. Well, I HAD to talk to clients and couldn’t always rely on my colleague to do all the phone work. Now it’s hardly a problem, even with foreign callers with THICK accents or having to talk in different languages (I’m multilingual).
You have to practice and remember that you are talking to a human being, even if you can’t see that person. If you don’t understand something, ask again. Nobody is going to rip your head off. Remember, nobody was born as a telephone master…”
That is definitely something I needed to hear from someone! I’m glad to know I’m not only person who was ever afraid of talking on the phone to strangers. Thank you!
earthgirl-
“This totally turned my thinking upside down–there *is no* perfect job for me. I want to dance sometimes, play with friends, ride my bike, etc. Of course. This is what being human is. Nothing is fun prescribed for 40 hours. No wonder I couldn’t think of anything… There is no perfect job, just living my life, and that’s a great thing.”
I def. agree with that.
“Pick something, change it if you need to, and don’t sweat it. If you love French, do it. It doesn’t matter if you never use it. Employers just want to see that you HAVE a degree. It doesn’t matter what it is, so enjoy this time and study what you love, it might be your only chance to really get in depth on these subjects.”
This makes me feel better about wanting to take Chinese and some art classes and such, because I don’t want to miss out on this chance.
ckaylynn-
(if you didn’t already know)
yay! I love advice
“I couldn’t tell you much about picking your major because it was also a difficult decision for me.”
I’m glad I’m not the only one.
“I was really nervous and freaking out on my first day of class. I thought I wasn’t going to make any friends at all because I am also very shy in new situations. Well I was wrong, I made some really close friends and a lot of just other casual friends. I dont think you ever forget how to make friends, it just takes a while. Just remember that everyone is nervous and unsure on the first few days of class but eventually things will be ok. Of course there will be upper classmen who have been there longer that may seem like they know everything and were never nervous about something new. But remember they have and its ok if you are nervous and shy. I hope that helps some.”
That definitely helps!
Zephyrgirl-
Yay for extroverts!(I wish I was less of on introvert ><!)
“Nursing is a pretty rigid program, and I can see you as an excellent nurse, or even a doctor.”
(I love me some comment novels!
)
—-
I’ve realized that I say “definitely” a lot- sorry if that annoys anyone lol!
And thanks for all the advice (even though my responses are crappy and/or lame- I do reall appreciate it. Hearing other people’s stories is very enjoyable, and it makes me feel like I am not alone in something- not mention provides reassurances, something I feel like I need.
So thanks again everyone!
(and never forget- Long comments are AWESOME!! woooo!)
By: lovemeformexox on March 24, 2008
at 4:22 pm