(this is a kinda random post lol)

People in High School are assholes.

I’ve got some great friends and by your senior year you don’t really what people think of you anymore anyway, since you going to be g-o-n-e gone so very soon.

I dunno… Looking back on my high school years, they weren’t great. They weren’t horrible, but they weren’t great. I have great friends who make it berable. And since this blog is mostly about fat and such, I can say throughout highschool my body image has sucked.

In 9th grade it really wasn’t an issue. Surprisingly, it never bothered me all that much (not going to say at all). In Middle School I just remember wishing I looked like the popular girls, but I never cared that much. And honestly, I think what changed all of this were two things 1- Cable TV and 2- First Boyfriend.

I had plain old like 10 station TV all the way up until I got to high school. I really think that made a big impact on me. I never watched MTV growing up, and was never brainwashed with TV ads because I didn’t watch that much TV, as there was never much on the 10 channels we had anyway. Now I pretty much live on the History Channel, and I need Nickelodeon for Avatar lol.

And the second one- the boyfriend. I really don’t know how to feel about that “relationship”.. Ugh, I just can’t believe how stupid I was! It’s like you are brainwashed from the start that you must have a boyfriend to be complete. I always thought there was something wrong with me because I didn’t have one. Not once did I ever think “do couples in high school ever work out?”. No, I didn’t. Which is so dumb. High School is when you are growing up, you don’t need a “relationship” to make you even more stressed out, you have other things to worry about. I just can’t believe how much I bought into that, and it seems so stupid when i look back on it now.

I just remember what one girl said when I was visiting Cedar Crest College. I was sitting in on an English class and they were discussing a book and she said “My parents raised me to be a complete person, that I don’t need to have a man in my life to make me complete” (okay, it was something like that, I can’t really remember)… That thought has just stuck with me. I am a complete person on my own. “Finding your other half” is such a bunch of bull, you are already two halfs of a whole. I’m not agianst relationships, just how girls are led to believe that without a guy they aren’t worth shit. Who wants to be the old maid? She’s just a fulgy worthless maleless idiot. That kinda thing. Maybe I’m reading into everything too much, I dunno.

So anyway.. Yep. I really grew and learned so much more about myself after I broke up with my boyfriend. When you don’t have to worry about another person, you can concentrate on what you want and what makes you happy. You know “You can’t love someone else until you love yourself” kinda thing.

I should do a post on my boyfriend experience. I don’t remember if I ever did. I know I’ve mentioned it before, but never the whole story.

Anyway, bottom line is that High School is crap. People who say High School is the best time of their life are seriously missing out or are just crazy (no offense for anyone that thinks it was).

And people who spew hateful comments are assholes. Fuck them. They’ll get what’s coming to them. If you believe in yourself nothing can stop you. You realize they just don’t matter. They are the ones with a problem, not you.

Ugh.. they just make me sick thinking about them. Not to mention how I feel sick seeing how brainwashed girls around me are about their bodies. It’s fucking awful and it needs to change.

Everything just appears so different to you when you’re on the outside looking in.

Thank god there are only 30 some days left.

Some days I just want to shout out to the people in school that “I know I’m fat, I know you think I’m fugly because of it, but I don’t GIVE A FUCK! woo! I’m going to college anyway assholes! Kiss my giant beautiful ass! “

(I really seem like a mad person now.. lol)

…. except that i have a research paper due.. and two speeches…. AH!