Warning: This post is about pubic hair. If you don’t want to read about it, THEN DON’T!
———————–
I don’t want people to think I am a freak for this post, I really don’t, but I have got to let this out.
So, I guess first you need some background story here.
On my bus, we got to the subject of how my english teacher never says “sex” or “virginity” or anything (When it is relevent, as there are many poems talking about “maidenhood” and such). From there, the point that I have not had sex became the topic, and everyone just was like “Ha I was fucking when I was 10″ or something. Pretty much signaling me out as a loser. My new nickname is “ginity”.
My one friends sits with me and the one kid behind us calls me that, and I honestly don’t have a problem with them saying it, I thought it was funny and they were not being assholes, just having fun. I trust them and I am not offended. (now, when the other fuckers on my bus start using it, it just pisses me off).
But the other day one of those fuckers was asking whether or not I have pubic hair (asked using some asshole lingo). I pretty much pointed to my head of thick curly hair and said “What do you think?”. From there they all just went on talking about how I should “shave the beast” and all this other fucking shit. One told me “Just listen, no really, listen, you need to tame the beast. Shave it down. It’s my advice”.. and pretty much saying how all them men (probably not the best word I would use to describe them), don’t like it hairy. Pretty much equating me, in yet another form, to being unattractive. Disrespectful much?
Fuck. Them.
Seriously? Do I now have to feel that the hair around my vagina makes me ugly too? WTF? I’ll say it right now: I have pubic hair. I’ve got a goddamn bush. And you know what? I’m fucking fine with it, thank you very much. I’m sorry if I am not a prepubescent 9 year old girl. I’m sorry I don’t feel like going to a stranger to get it covered with hot wax or spend forever shaving it.
Doesn’t matter though. As a woman I need to be waxed.
I just don’t understand this. When did my fucking private parts become your goddamn business? How am I, the one who doesn’t put hot wax on the outside of their vagina and then rip it off, the weird one? I’m sorry I went through puberty. Why is there yet another thing I need to be ashamed of?
This isn’t the first time I have heard this belief. I remember watching VH1 and on one of those shows they were talking about it. Pretty much “she’s gotta get that waxed” and saying “all the -insert a certain type of women- had bushes”. Ugh.
Do men just not realize that women have fucking hair there?
Do they know anything about women at all?
Or is all of this influenced by porn and advertising and models, etc.?
Maybe I should change that to high school boys rather than men.
When guys generalize what other men like always pisses me off. Firstly, my self worth doesn’t depend on whether the general population of males finds me attractive and therefore acceptable. Secondly, it dismisses the men who don’t go with the “general” assumption. Some men like fat women, some men don’t. It makes it seem as though any man who likes pubic hair is a freak of nature and is a wussies and therefore, not a “real man”.
I also find it sad how women feel that this is something really important that they must do to be “normal”. I’ve seen it before in women’s magazines, I hear about it all the time on TV and movies, mostly a side mention of a bikini wax joke or something. As though that’s the normal thing to do.
A joke was also made that if anyone ever did have sex with me when they say that they would just want to run away. What. The. Fuck. You honestly think, if that were to happen, that I would still want to fuck that person? Don’t worry Travis, I definitely don’t want to fuck you so you don’t have to worry about the “beast”.
UGHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
And the worst part is that none of them seem to get it. They don’t grasp the social connontations, or how they are influenced. They don’t even realize how offensive it is, and how hurtful. They’re just a bunch of a vain assholes. Fuck them.
I am so fucking sick of high school. I’m so tired of this crap. I know this kind of stuff won’t end in high school. It seems like it never does, and I hate it.
I’m really just pissed off right now. Please tell me that I am in the right here. Or am atleast sensible. Or what you think.. I really don’t want to feel like a freak about this.
And sorry to anyone who did the read the warning and was disgusted anyway. I’m sorry for blogging about my nether-regions to the world.
(I swear I just use this blog to say “fuck”… FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AH! Just let it out!)
Wandered here for the first time just now and I was taken with this post. As one occupying the purgatory of undergraduate/graduate space, I wish I could tell you that it gets better. Honestly, to an extent it does, but ignorance and thoughtlessness do not seem to have a time stamp. I will however say the the only comments I received/overheard about my hairy legs (and face and arms and crotch) at university were positive.
I frankly always found the notion of a hairless and sexual figure distasteful; the visual link to a prepubescent state (ie, childhood) is undeniable.
So I don’t think you are weird.
By: jules on April 29, 2008
at 3:25 pm
College IS better…not completely — you still get some whack assholes talking shit and trying to be “funny” — but it’s WORLDS above highschool.
The bus I had to ride in highschool was very nearly as bad as yours. I have no idea how I survived, but I did.
I can definitely feel you on the pubes thing. Popular culture is so goddamn rife with commentary about how women should be hairless. It’s ridiculous. But hear me on this, PLEASE: do not change anything about yourself to “please” a man. A guy might ask, sure, but since your pubic hair isn’t going to cause him any real problems, just tell him, “No, I really don’t care for the hairless look.” If you change anything about yourself for someone else, you’ve destroyed something very valuable (and of course this goes for guys too; there really is no such thing as “changing” a romantic partner). It sounds really, really fucking obvious, but this is the kind of advice that gets drowned out by hormones and heart palpitations when you’re confronted by the “perfect” guy.
By: Cyn on April 29, 2008
at 3:49 pm
You know, what’s in your pants is between you, your pants, and what’s between you and your pants. If someone doesn’t like it, then they shouldn’t be in your pants.
I used to get crap about not shaving from the time I was 13 until I was 20. I failed to see the importance of it, especially when someone was trying to force their beauty standards on me. My body, it’s not bothering you, stfu and go away.
I got a razor in the mail when I was 17, and out of sheer boredom and curiosity, played with it when I was 18. I say play, because I ended up with a half-shorn leg and a bald armpit. A few years later, I shaved my bits, and it was not all that people tried to make it out to be. “but it’s pretty/sexy/wtfhax!”. No. It wasn’t.
I can understand the “aesthetic” value of being shaven, between one or two people, where the person wants to emphasize something and not have it hidden behind tufts of hair, or having underpants without forest coming out of the sides. Even still, these are generally media-driven aesthetics.
Stupid media-driven aesthetics, they totally ruin my life.
By: Jess on April 29, 2008
at 5:08 pm
[...] unknown wrote an interesting post today onHere’s a quick excerptIt’s my advice”.. and pretty much saying how all them men (probably not the best word I would use to describe them), don’t like it hairy. Pretty much equating me, in yet another form, to being unattractive. Disrespectful much? … [...]
By: bush » Blog Archive » I’m sorry I went through puberty. on April 29, 2008
at 5:56 pm
To wax or not to wax is simply a fashion. And I believe the tide has turned on Brazillians and the ilk; they’ve had their day. And you know, generations of men had no issues with women having hair and I seriously doubt the nasty little misogynists in question would knock back sex with a woman because she hadn’t had a Brazillian. In any case, my suggestion if it comes up again is to turn it back on the asker without responding to the question. Or suggest that the asker may like to have a crack’n’sac wax done before suggesting that a woman subject her nether regions to the same treatment.
By: Fatadelic on April 29, 2008
at 9:50 pm
I definitely think that it’s a very personal thing that should never be discussed on a high school bus. Those boys (and they are boys, not men) are immature an buying into the misogynistic patriarchy that is our society. Honestly, I’ve been hairy and now I prefer to be bare for my own personal reasons, but whatever you choose, it’s your body, your sexuality and your choice, and please don’t let anyone ever tell you otherwise.
By: Llegs on April 29, 2008
at 9:53 pm
That’s terrible.
If it happens again, just turn the tables on them. Ask them if they shave or wax their balls. And their ass. And their taint!
^__^
By: Edgeling from Deviantart on April 30, 2008
at 11:32 am
First off, props to you for standing your ground. Just because they’re a bunch of idiots, doesn’t mean that you have to following their lemming asses around. I swear, girl, you are SO wise beyond your age. Just remember. High School ends and you will meet better people. But, their stupidity will go on forever.
As for the “bush”, it’s your tweeter and you can do what you want with it. Oh- and I worked with a girl that dated a guy that prefered it that way. So, tell those young boys to grow one.
By: Ginger on April 30, 2008
at 12:36 pm
I remember in first year university having to defend the fact that I didn’t get brazillian waxes… to someone I wasn’t even remotely attracted to.
I remember feeling uncomfortable.
I remember feeling ashamed of my decision.
I remember feeling pressured to get a full-out wax, and I remember the deeper shame I felt in feeling pre-pubescent.
Now, when the topic comes up, I usually just say that it’s none of the person’s business, but strongly state my opinion that it’s each person’s personal decision and preference (for ALL genders).
I’m glad you wrote about this. I have been thinking alot about how crazy it is that hairlessness is such a standard now. If you look at older porns, it wasn’t like that… and people thought it was hot! What has changed? Oh right; the industry for all the products to keep people ‘landscaped’ is powerful.
You have a lot more guts than I did at 17. Power to you!
By: smileeanne on April 30, 2008
at 2:58 pm
Mmm…
People will still be arses as you get older, but mostly they tend to stop thinking they have a right t know intimate details about your life. Now 24 years old, and the last time some idiot asked me about my shaving habits was about 8 years ago, now, probably. I think. Either way, I was still in school, still living a home, still surrounded all day by boys that were 3 years behind me in the puberty stakes.
And seriously? Any woman at any age that feels comfortable in their own natural body has my utmost respect. I fight every day with body acceptance. Whilst I have learned to love my natural, hairy, fat and fertile body, I will still have relapses of self hate and go on a brief IWILLSHAVEITALLANDNEVEREATAGAINANDHIDEAWAYINSHAAAAAAME rampage, only to regret it afterwards (Seriously? Shaving rashes are NOT fun, and my OH finds hairless bodies kinda freaky, not that I let him dictate my body choices).
You’re not a freak, you’re just one of the very few sane people left!
By: Bunny on April 30, 2008
at 6:53 pm
I JUST read this essay from the book “Bitchfest” about vagina reconstruction and it covered a lot of the things you talked about in this post. It was about women go through so much pain (literally..like loss of sexual sensation and chronic pain) to fit into the social norm developed mainly by the pornography industry (where they have ‘perfect’ pussies)…but in the end, the ‘perfect’ vagina looks like a one of a 12 year old. It’s disgusting! Ugh…your high school friends make me so angry…No fucking guy should tell you to shave! It’s none of their business!!!
Personally, I think it got a lot better in university! you realize there is a bunch of people who are not part of the heteronormative patriarchy. You are sane!! I know hot girls who don’t shave their armpit, legs or vagina. Girls who don’t look like ‘models’. But damn, they are still hot!
By: Yoko on May 1, 2008
at 5:37 am
I would say my opinion but it echoes the others. Things do get better, but I think it’s gradual and not necessarily a huge step the first year in college. I’m 7 years out of high school and I’d say boys are better now. I also have to let you know that not one of the men I’ve slept with or dated cared if I waxed or not. I like to trim, but that is totally my own choice and has to do with pubes getting caught in my underwear and pants.
Also, none of the men I’ve dated cared if I shaved my legs on a regular basis or not (I kinda do now.. every week or two.. but there have been times I’ve gone months between and my boyfriend didn’t care in the least) Sure they may have liked the smooth feeling, but I haven’t got any complaints.
Men like to talk that way around other men, that’s what they think that they are supposed to say, they want to be manly and being manly to them means being like other men, even though I think being yourself and having your own beliefs is a hell of a lot more manly (or womanly) than following the crowd. People like to fit in, unfortunately that comes at an expense. I bet if you talked to some of them one on one rather than on the bus, you’d see a difference in what kind of things they would say and what kind of meaning your conversation could have.
By: gnomeprincess on May 1, 2008
at 10:49 am
Heh, I appear to be the lone man to post.
First off, I doubt those little douchebags that ride your bus could get laid in a morgue. Yea, sure they’ve had sex. I believe that about as much as I believe in casting spells and turning into a werewolf (talk about hairy), which is to say not at all! To hell with them. You’re not ready to ‘have sex’ yet, which is perfectly normal. We ain’t living in the early 19th Century (let alone previous centuries) when the life expectancy was lower on average.
Second off, I will say this much (and only this much) about a shaved pubic area. It IS a tad more sanitary simply because all the sweat doesn’t have anything to cling to. You don’t end up with that funk. Whether you shave or not is up to you and whether or not you want to please yourself or your lover (when the time comes).
Hang in there Liz, only a few more weeks to go. ~_^
By: Brooklyn Red Leg on May 1, 2008
at 10:49 am
You’re body, do what you want. Don’t let the bastards wear you down.
By: ResilientMonkey on May 1, 2008
at 6:12 pm
All I can say about waxing is OWWWW! And I got to listen to one of my roommates giving another a home brazilian. And the one giving was not happy about it. And the one getting does it because she is vain and shallow and ooh so many other things. She is the type of girl most guys only see as a one night stand.
Body hair is a personal choice. I’m blonde everywhere, and I shave simply because of hygene choices and I love the feel of my smooth legs.
We had the same conversation last year in grade 12. And most of the guys said less hair was preferable, but they didn’t care as long as they were getting laid (typical guys).
Also had a similiar conversation with some friends this year. And one of my really great guy friends doesn’t expect girls to go hairless down there because he knows how sensitive those parts are. And his comment on guys shaving down there? “Shaving your balls is like trying to shave a water balloon and not pop it.”
By: Zephyrgirl on May 1, 2008
at 7:13 pm
You rock, girl!
By: Liz on May 6, 2008
at 1:23 am
Hi, I just thought I’d say that I’m very impressed by your attitude; I guess I was a bit like you at 17 but I tended to internalise stuff, its taken me til my late twenties to accept myself for who I am and chill the hell out!
But yes, I too couldn’t wait to leave high school for the very same reasons as you. You unfortunately will have to share your school day with morons who seem to think your body is fair game to comment on, just because you are fat.
I had also had the temerity to also be ginger, so my “fat pussy” and “ginger bush” were contast topics of conversation between boys I hardly knew. Ignore them, they are dickheads.
And it will get better. University was better, though there were times when I did get shit they were very few and far between and my mates would stick up for me. And after university, well the world is your oyster and those idiots from the school bus will probably be flipping burgers at mcdonalds and living in trailers, which is where the ignorant usually end up.
By: beakerella on May 9, 2008
at 3:42 pm
High school sucked, but it DOES GET BETTER! I can’t remember the last time I had a conversation about weight, body hair, appearance generally, at all with anyone.
Being all grown up is much much more fun!
And as for this – “Second off, I will say this much (and only this much) about a shaved pubic area. It IS a tad more sanitary simply because all the sweat doesn’t have anything to cling to. You don’t end up with that funk. ”
Rubbish. Sorry, but rubbish. The natural smell of a woman’s vagina is not “funk”. Shaving off your pubic hair is not “more sanitary” (if anything, less – that hair has a protective role), and if you wash – which I assume that like most people, you do! – then you wash the sweat off anyway.
The weird construction of a woman’s genitals as somehow “unclean” is just… weird.
By: Rebekka on May 12, 2008
at 5:30 am
Rubbish. Sorry, but rubbish. The natural smell of a woman’s vagina is not “funk”.
::sighs::
I REALLY hate it when people are either obtuse or take what I’ve said out of context. If you will kindly re-read what I wrote, you will notice I did not specify a sex. A shaved pubic area refers to both a Man’s and a Woman’s. I never said one thing about a woman’s genitals being ‘unclean’ so kindly stop putting words in my mouth.
And the protective role of pubic hair is the same role as body hair has, as in keeping us warm. We did evolve on a planet that has the nasty tendency to move in and out of Ice Ages. The entire hominid experience has mostly been on a cold-assed world.
By: Brooklyn Red Leg on May 14, 2008
at 8:25 am
I just want to say that of course those guys are ridiculous, and of course you don’t have to shave to be attractive! You should be able to meet lots of guys in the future who are not brainwashed enough to require bare floors (a lot of guys over 17 and with more experience of women’s bodies are not half so picky).
The one thing I can say about shaving is, well, it does make oral easier. I used to trim, or partially shave, and an ex of mine actually (of his own volition) used to shave/trim to a much greater extent than I. At the beginning of our relationship we got into a discussion about it (he wasn’t pressuring me to shave, just explaining his view on it), and anyway, some time later he had been to busy to maintain his grooming, he, and I had to admit he was right about how hair made it more difficult. After that I did start shaving, but it was entirely my own thing. So that’s pretty much the one defense I can give.
It’s definitely no sort of must though, and there is no reason you should feel obligated to do it–by anyone–if it’s not your bag.
By: RD J on May 24, 2008
at 11:34 am