I got invited to a party.

I was working (and running rather behind, as it was so friggin BUSY! Jeez..) and there is one guy who works there too (If I am going to use desciptive words, I’ll use them all and not just have you assume what the “average male” looks like-whatever that is- He is white, has got awesome dreadlock-like brown hair, wheelchair, tattoos)- and he’s so nice! So while he was on his break and I was cleaning up he was just chatting with me. Then he goes to leave and before he goes he asks me “Are you doing anything later?” and I was just like “I was going to go to Barnes and Noble and chill, but nothing really” (internal brain = holy hell is he asking me out?! No way! awesome!) then he asked if I wanted to go to his place for a party with friends, something like that. I was all “sure! I’ll have to call my parents blahblahblah”. (Sorry, I’m just lame like that.) and he gave me directions (which, I am so bad with I would’ve gotten lost anyway) and his cell.

Okay, so, I am still in a sort of shock about actually being invited to a party. At a guy’s house, at that. But then I think, okay, I might be reading into this too much. (One thing I hate about being in this society of “be married and have babies or be worthless spinster” is that whenever I see I go I am automatically thinking “Does he like me?” that kind of thing. It’s so fucking annoying!  I don’t want to automatically judge a guy on whether or not he’s “husband material” or whatever. I just want to see them as people, you know? Not just “I need to find the one” or whatever.)

Anyway, so he leaves and I go back to cleaning up (rather hastily and not as good a job as I could’ve done, butwith my time limited and no one to help me I really didn’t have a choice) and then I went over to Barnes and Noble and was just chilling. Then, my idiotic brain awoke from it’s slumber and was like “um, you can’t be out driving past eleven” and I was all “crap” (I think that’s until I get my senior liscense). i don’t think my parents would’ve allowed me to go anyway (I’m sorry, I’m just not a rule breaker! I’m too much of a goodygoody!) but I can’t believe I didn’t remember that.

So then I had to call him when I was at B&N to tell him that. I’m feel really bad though, I don’t want him to think it’s just a copout or something, because it did seem like it would’ve been fun and get me to be more outgoing. Plus, he was really nice to me (and kind of hot, I must say *^^*). He seems like someone it would be fun to get to know.

But my brain is stupid, and has now been way over thinking this whole thing. “Did he ask me to go to his because he likes me?” “Does he like me in a friend way or does he actually find me attractive?” those kind of stupid questions. Maybe it’s becaue I find that last one so hard to believe that I still couldn’t believe that I was even asked. One thing that sucks about being fat is that it’s hard to tell when someone is being sincere or if it’s just a joke (*shudder* ever since that one time in 6th grade…). Not to mention the fact that I was wearing my crappy ass work clothing and hat and apron. Not exactly fashionable. The way he talked to me before though I didn’t think it was a joke or anything. I just hate the feeling of not knowing what someone is looking for. Because then if I assume wrong, I feel totally stupid.

Like I said before, I am such a goodygoody though. My brain that relizes that was all “you want to go to some strangers house? This late at night? with his friends you don’t even know? He’s 21! blahblahblah”. And that tends to be the side of my brain that i listen too. But, I dunno, if there wasn’t that 11PM rule that my parents actually know about and would know I was out somewhere I hadn’t told them (make them worry), I would’ve been so tempted. That’s the problem when you don’t get invited to parties a lot, you’re curious. I still had those thoughts in the back of my mind, but I was still wondering. Sometimes it seems like it would be fun to be adventurous, but I feel like I’m just not that adventurous of a person.

so.. yep, the only really exciting thing that’s happened to me lately. I still feel sorry that I couldn’t go. When I called him back he was still at work and I didn’t want to get him in trouble so I didn’t say much. I wanted to say something like “if you ever want to hang out- so long as I can be home before 11- let me know”… again, it might sound lame I suppose but I’m just not a rule breaker… I was going to send that to him in text or something, but I got nervous and didn’t. If there was more than just a week until I leave for college I might’ve sent it, but I don’t even know if I’ll have any time until then…. ugh, I don’t know. (plus, he’s going to college too.. The day he asked me was his last day of work too, so I won’t see him at all there until next summer- assuming he will come back. I’m not sure..)

Forgive me if this post is lame, I just needed to let my thoughts out about it. I still feel confused.

On a side note, I now find my mind wandering to the fact that I havn’t had a good snog (well, any) in over 2 years. One thing I do miss about having a boyfriend, making out was fun. Curs-ed hormones…

And I am hoping I worded everything right in this post. I always find it hard to say what I mean in blog posts and I don’t want anything to come across a reader the wrong way.