hi i’m 13 years old going to grade 8 and i weaigh…..alot like 100 pouds over what i want to weaigh i found ur site on google. I love what u stand for. i don’t care what ppl say about me but when i go shopping I love it but it doesn’t come in my size so that makes me feel said and not make e feel good about myself. at school i’m the out-going one and i like this guy but i know he would never like me that way because the way i look like we r friends and all but i don’t know what to do. can u help me. thanks

I’ll try my best to say what I think would be helpful. When I was 13 I was still on the self hate train, and didn’t feel much better about myself until around the end of 16.

First off, I LOVE shopping. Love it. Maybe it’s my stupid believe that buying this piece of clothing will make my life better. It gives me that stupid hope that is probably just what the sellers want you to believe to get your money. I don’t care. I <3 clothes and finding outfits that make me look kickass and smexy. I love having the change to adorn my body. So I can feel the frustration at the lack of-affordable- clothing that is actually cute. I do have the luck in that I am at the smaller end of the fat stick- I’m around an 14/16/18/20, depending on the store and whether we are talking about jeans, shirts, dresses, or skirts. I only buy jeans at Lane Bryant. Only. They are $40 fucking dollars a pair, but I love them. They fit perfect and the last a long time. My sister goes through jeans like there’s no tomorrow, but the jeans I buy there last me years (atleast the ones I had in the past did, until I grew out of them. But if I hadn’t they still would’ve been great). The right fits that I have now I’ve had for a long time- probably nearing a year (i’m not sure) but they are worth the money. So I would definitelly suggest that if you can’t find jeans that fit well and last anywhere else, go to Lane Bryant. Plus, sometimes they do actually have cute stuff in there (I notice in my mom’s flyers the clothes are getting a lot cuter) and even if you can’t buy anything, it’s fun just to be able to try stuff on and be surrounded knowing that if you see something you could actually wear it, unlike in most stores where odds are the size doesn’t go above 12. Same thing with Torrid. I LOVE Torried. Like Lane Bryant, their fucking prices are ridiculous, but if you catch something on clearance it’s doable.

I don’t know what shape you are, but depending on that sometimes you can find clothes in other stores that fit. Like I said, I’m heavy on the bottom and thighs, so I can only really find jeans and pants and shorts in plus size stores/sections. But if I’m lucky and sleuthy, I can sometimes find cute tops, and maybe skirts, since I’ve got the whole “little waist” thing, which I am also lucky with (I know I complain about finding things, but I know other people have a harder time than me and I don’t take that for granted. I really wish I was better at giving advice for every body, but it’s hard to do.).. Shopping is a double-edged sword- sometimes you’ll make out and find lots of cute things and then other times you’ll find nothing. Just don’t let the ‘nothings’ get you down. I’ve had plenty of times where I watch my sister shop all day finding lots of stuff and then I find nothing and feel like shit for it. Try not to let that happen (do your best, that incident just happened to me in July, so it happens to everyone).

As for the guy situation… hm.. I don’t have to best experience with them to give any advice. I had a boyfriend a few years ago, but we were introduced through another person, so I never asked him out of the blue nor did he. We were pretty much set up (and then I broke up with him). I’d say go for it. What’s the worst that could happen? He says no? Tell him up front what you are feeling, and if he says he’s not interested, then don’t worry about it or take it personally (now, if he is an ass in his response, then you may take it personally. I don’t know him, so I can’t say what kind of person he is. But since he is your friend I have to assume he is a nice guy). I havn’t gone through an awkward friendship kind of thing, so I don’t really know what to say if that does happen, other than hopefully it would work out if that were to happen. But I think if you are cool with it then it shouldn’t.  Don’t automatically blame your body for the reason a guy won’t date you. I used to do that all the time. All it does is hurt you. And in the worst case, the guy doesn’t like you simply because of your body? Well, he is not worth your time. There are some men who do not find fat attractive. That’s okay, it’s their personal choice. You can’t demand someone find you attractive. It’s a subjective thing. But there are some men who do find fat attractive, and some men who don’t have any standards when it comes to that kind of thing who find all types of body sizes attractive. It depends on the guy. So long as they aren’t a dickhead to you about it. That signifies a jerk that you don’t want to know.

And you are only 13. Seriously, don’t get caught up in the boy bandwagon. Don’t feel that you need a boyfriend to be socially acceptable or adequate. Don’t put your hopes and dreams on a boy. You’re young and don’t have to worry about being on your own yet- go and explore things that you like. Enjoy this freedom, don’t feel like you need to be tied down to a boy. If you really think about the odds of the relationship lasting? They are pretty slim (I won’t say none of them last, but generally they do not). You have so much life ahead of you! Find some girlfriends to go to dances with to hang out and have fun (I went to Prom with my best friend! It was great! We didn’t have to worry about finding a date and all that crap, we just had a great time!) instead of feeling like crap because you didn’t have a date. Find people you can trust and talk to about your problems, who will be there for you (not be there for you only when you are dating). I hate thinking about how some of the things I had liked I only liked becaus my boyfriend did, and now that we aren’t going out anymore I don’t look back on those times very fondly (that probably depends on how one views a relationship, but still..). I’m not saying to be a nun or anything, but don’t feel like you need THE RELATIONSHIP and to find THE ONE now. And don’t set yourself up for the perfect man, know that the odds of it lasting through high school are slim. Don’t let yourself get hurt.

And Junior High is… well, it’s junior high. All of my best friends I have now I didn’t get really close too until high school. Jr and Sr High School is filled with idiots. The whole world is filled with idiots. You just have to tune them out. If they are being an asshole, they aren’t worth your time. Just think of how sad it is that they have to pick on someone else to make themselves feel better or to get entertainment (do they even have a life?). Or worse, if they are doing it for ’sport’ (because they ‘have a life’ yet still feel the need to endless troll people)? What kind of person if that?

I guess for any other random tips I would say to visit my Tips page.

and… Best of luck in 8th Grade!

Does anyone else have any advice they’d like to give?