eff you. Majority of your commercials are all about loosing weight, and your TV shows aren’t much better.

Jeans should be skinny. Wallets should be fat. (From Bally commercial)

… wow. Thanks for letting me know exactly what’s wrong with this country Bally- our bodies should be small but we should be fat and rich when it comes to money. Money money money. That’s what it really is all about.

Find out what’s making you fat. (TV show)

I don’t see how this special would be eye opening or really revealing in any way. Honestly, I could dispell 10 dieting myths without much effort- I’m betting most people could. The usual eat less, exercise more will probably be the great ‘knowledge’ that we all need to know to lose weight. I like how someone can assume to know what’s making every different person fat too… I’m sure some people are fat because of what foods they eat, or how much they exercise, but there are just as many for whom that is not an issue (plus, what about the thin people who have the same habits but are thin? Obvs they are healthy so it doesn’t matter for them!)

I know Discovery Health really isn’t the most fat friendly of channels, but dammit I love watching Mystery Diagnosis and Diagnosis X and Trauma in the ER and those type of show (not so much all the baby shows and lose weight NOW type shows.. blegh)..

Seeing these commercials and TV programs really just makes me want to hurl the TV out my dorm window, but I’m pretty sure that wouldn’t be appreciated…

It doesn’t help that lately I hadn’t been feeling too hot about myself… I feel like I started slipping back into the Fantasy, the idea that I could control my body and make it just a little bit smaller and just lose a little bit of weight (I went so far as to download a Weight-loss application to my iTouch. Thankfully it was free and I have since deleted it). Mostly I feel like lately it’s because I don’t think I’m attractive. I hate that I think that, but I do. I mean, it’s one thing to have people online say positive comments, but it’s another thing IRL. I guess I could say that all I really want when it comes to this is for someone to ask me out, to say that they want me.  It’s so hard to feel attractive when you don’t have a significant other person backing you up and reinforcing it. I hate that I think that, because right now I honestly think I need to focus on myself, and it would be too stressful to have to deal with a boyfriend right now anyway… I don’t know if it’s hormones or what. Like, I can’t get thinking about sex out of my head, and I haven’t even had it yet. Sometimes I feel like something’s wrong with me because I haven’t yet, when so many others have… Honestly, I feel a little bit weird talking about that on my blog (maybe some day I won’t care at all, but I guess it’s just weird right now)… but I just feel like I need to rant about it a little bit. I know I’m probably not the only person who feels like this…

So today I’ve been looking at pictures on Adipositivity to help me feel better. And it has helped a little.

But ANYWHO..

I feel like I need to apologize like a bazillion times for not updating this blog enough. Over spring break I tend to stay away from the computer because I can’t go online with my laptop, and I can’t stand using my dial up computer now (it’s too painful lol)… And every day I’m at school I feel like I never have enough time in the day. I feel like a bad blogger for not… well, blogging. lol. Or for paying enough attention to my contact page… Agian, being at school I feel like I always have something to do, and in my free time I’d rather relax than worry about my blog. But then I feel bad for not updating my blog… blargh… During the summer I will force myself to use our home computer and update a little more often, and maybe go to my library, which has WiFi. Next semester I’m thinking my workload will be a little bit lighter. I hope.

Okay, well this was a crappy ass post, I hope everyone is doing well.

(Oh, and I think I know what I want to do for my Gender Studies project. It’s actually neither of what I thought about doing, though kind of related I guess. I’m thinking about doing it on gender roles in Japan, maybe talk about the history of the culture, and how it is today, etc… I mean, that is a topic I would be interested in, and when I type in “gender roles in Japan” in google, articles specifically on that come up, so hopefully it won’t be too hard to research. I guess I’ll do the paper on it.. Though the idea of doing a zine sounded really interesting Katriona… That would let me do graphic stuff, which I love to do.. I don’t know if that would work with the Japanese & gender topic, but I guess it could.. I don’t really know too much about doing a zine though… Blargh I dunno what i want to do now lol… I think we are going to talk about it on Wednesday, so I have a little bit of time)

Oh yeah, that reminds me! Next wednesday we are doing “Body Image” discussion in my Gender Studies class. I have already talked to my professor about it, saying how I was “pumped” for it (lol I’m such a weirdo).. I had sent her a bunch of links in an email before (mostly links to feminist blogs I read- oh, and links to Sarah Haskins lol), and one of the links I sent was Kate Harding’s illustrated BMI slideshow. I mentioned it again, and she said I could bring it up in class and show it. But if anyone has an points that I should definitely keep in mind to bring up, feel free to leave them in comments.

Okay, I really am done now. For reals.