Well, since now I’m finally done feeling like shit, I’ll try to continue the positive trend and post some pictures on the beach! I’ve been home from vacation for a couple of days now, so I think it’s a good time to post them.

I do feel a little bit sad that I didn’t rock a bikini this year. I’m not sure if it was because I feel like I’ve put on weight and the suits that I have don’t fit as well, or what. I hate to feel like it was because I just felt more comfortable not wearing one. I hate that I feel like I shouldn’t wear a bikini because of my body- that my confidence isn’t what it was before… But, oh well. Maybe I’ll try and rock one later.

I guess that’s all for now~

So, I feel like this blog needed to be freshened up a little bit, so I decided to change the layout, header- the works. lol. I slept over with two of my best friends a few days ago and we decided to have a photoshoot. I used two of those photos from that for the new header, which I really like. I haven’t used a blue theme yet, even though I love the green, I am really happy with this. Blue is very calming and such lol. I like the change. Anywho, here are some of the other pictures taken, just if anyone is interested.

I put all of the pictures of me up on my deviantart account: www.lovemeformexox.deviantart.com

I’m thinking I might start posting one picture every day. I’ll run out of pictures eventually, and probably won’t actually post one every single day, but it seems like a good idea. I’d say I’m more into photography than writing, so it also seems like a way for me to have something to post.

In any case, I feel like this is a good start to get back on the blogging brain. I probably would’ve updated sooner other than the fact that I’ve been reading the Sookie Stackhouse novels like mad for the past week. lol.

Other than that, right now I don’t have much to talk about. So I think I’ll just leave it at that. Hope everyone likes the new layout And thanks so much for all the support, it really helps so much to have it.

Because I just got a comment saying this (from my Obese Senior Photos post): 

You’re not obese. You look awesome.

But I am obese. You measure how much I weigh and how tall (/short) I am, I have officially earned the label ‘obese’.

And just because you are obese doesn’t mean you can’t be awesome. You can be obese and awesome, not ‘obese but awesome’ or ‘fat but beautiful’. You can be both. You can be fat and beautiful.

I had forgotten to post my ocean photo shot pictures from vacation back in July. I just remembered about them recently, and now I can use them for this post! (sorry for deviantart peeps who have already seen them)

*POSE TIME!* lol… I guess it should also be *PREPARE-FOR-TROLLS-WHO-ARE-JUST-CONCERNED-ABOUT-MY-HEALTH-AND/OR-THINK-I-LOOK-UGLY-AS-SHIT/AM-A-BEACHED-WHALE-TIME* too. Whew, that’s a lot to say! Whatevs, they’ll be marked as spam anyway and life will move on. BEGIN TEH PHOTOS!

I know you have all been waiting patiently for this post (you’ve probably been waiting since the beginning of time- honestly.. I am sorry to have taken so long).. but it is finally here! BOOK POST!! Wooo!!! I <3 Books! So, here are my fat teenager reads (for now anyway )! I’ve tried to supply and Amazon link for most of the books I talk about, but if I don’t supply a link, if you go to amazon and type the title in it will come up (I feel like I linked about 50 zillion things..).. This post took me an awful long time to write/put together (I am tired of sitting!) so please enjoy!

Fat Acceptance Books

We shall start this collection with what pertains most to this blog- TEH FATZ! These are my Fat Acceptance type books! Sadly, I only have 3 (anyone have any suggestions? I do love Amazon shopping!), but here they are!

 First Up: Fat Chicks Rule!: How To Survive in a Thin-Centric World, and The Fat Girl’s Guide to Life

And because I am such a lazy ass fat person, I am just going to quote from the amazon page what these books are about (because I have summarizing)

Fat Chicks Rule

 

A fun, fact-filled guide to living the big girl’s life with style, Fat Chicks Rule!: How To Survive in a Thin-Centric World, tackles the weighty issues that large women face in our thin-obsessed society. This lavishly illustrated book provides information on everything that the plus-size woman needs to know, including where to shop, the dieting scam, how to be fat and sexy, the fat acceptance movement, famous fat chicks in history, fat chick entertainment, snappy comebacks against the fat-phobic and much more. Dedicated to every woman who feels she needs to lose a few pounds but really doesn’t, Fat Chicks Rule! shows you how to live fat and happily ever after. 

Fat Girl’s Guide to Life

Wendy Shanker is a fat, healthy, beautiful girl who has simply had enough. Enough of family, friends, co-workers, women’s magazines, even strangers on the street, all trying (and failing) to make her thin. She finally decided, “If I can’t take it off, I’m going to take it on.”

With a mandate to change the world-and the energy to do it-Wendy shows how media madness, corporate greed, and even the most well-intentioned loved ones prey on our shrink-to-fit minds, if not our shrink-to-fit bodies. She invites people of all sizes, shapes, and dissatisfactions to trade self-loathing for self-tolerance, celebrity worship for reality reverence, and a carb-free life for a guilt-free Krispy Kreme.

Wendy explores dieting debacles, full-figured fashions, and feminist philosophy while guiding you through exercise clubs, doctor’s offices, shopping malls, and even the bedroom. She believes that you can be fit and fat, even as the weight loss industry conspires to make you think otherwise. The Fat Girl’s Guide to Life invites you to step off the scale and weigh the issues for yourself.

I’m not even going to give a quote for this book- if you don’t have it, just go buy it. Seriously. .

Her next book, which has a working title of “Swimming in the Steno Pool: A Social History of the Secretary, America’s First Businesswoman,” is scheduled to be published by W.W. Norton in 2009

 

Young Adult Books

These first three are more relevant to the outcast/nerd type in all of us: Confessions of a Not It Girl, The Earth, My Butt, and Other Big Round Things, and The Queen Geek Social Club.

Confessions and The Earth are more relevant to body image type things. Now, in all honesty, I enojoyed Confessions, but I don’t remember much about it. It was a quick read, a good quick read, but a quick read non-the-less. I wish I could remember more of it’s details. The Earth, on the other hand, I absolutely love. I would whole-heartadly recommend it. It is one of the few YA books that has a fat character. I don’t even remember how fat the character is, but I picture her as myself anyway. I don’t want to spoil the book, but it handles everything great. And it seems very HAES esqe. And about gaining independence and such… I think I have to re-read the book with my more feminist outlook. The Queen Geek book was also enjoyable. It’s more about people who don’t fit in and want to be different kind of thing than body image. But I still enjoyed it.

(sorry about the quality of this picture- it came out fuzzy and I sharpened it Paint Shop Pro, but it still isn’t much better)… I don’t have much to say about these books other than if you havn’t read them, READ ‘EM! I love the lead character, and I love the interview with the author in the back of the one book. Made me appreciate the books even more. I bought The Sweet Far Thing wayyy back in December when it came out, and I STILL havn’t read it yet!!! I want to re-read the first two before I read it, but I still can’t believe I havn’t gotten around to it.

Again, if you havn’t read these books- READ ‘EM! I used these books (well, the first three, the fourth one wasn’t out at the time) for my 11th grade author research paper (the big project of that year), which actually, you can read here, if you like. These books show a future obsessed with plastic surgery and conformity and being brainwashed, stupid, and pretty- and it all seems so very realistic, like this actually could happen and it wouldn’t be surprising. Uglies, Pretties, and Specials all go together with the main character Tally, while Extras stands apart with a new main character, Aya and deals a lot with popularity, points, and what it all means. I really love Scott Westerfeld’s writing, having read and enjoyed Peeps and it’s sequel. He also has an awesome blog, and it’s nice to have that connection with book authors. And thanks to his awesome blog, I myself have just learned that an Uglies insider-type book is coming out, Bogus to Bubbly: An Insider’s Guide to the World of Uglies.

hm… any other books that I don’t have pictures of that you must read? All of Stephenie Meyer’s books- The Host (LOVED IT!), and The Twilight Series. The Host is not a YA book, but I still liked it. I know there are plenty of people who do not like The Twilight Series, but I would suggest that even if you do not like Twilight, check out The Host (even if you DO like Twilight, check out The Host).

Some other books I enjoyed a lot: Memoirs of a Geisha, American Shaolin (loved it! totally taking this with me to college!), Pride and Prejudice, any of the Georgia Nicolson books (sehr amusant!) and a bunch others that I can’t even think of right now.

So, there you have my readingzzz, where I get my genius from (along with reading everyone else’s awesome blogs). If anyone has any books they’d like to suggest for any of the above categories let me know- I’m especially looking for another fat acceptance type book- I only have 3! Plus I need some books to read over vacation lol. Enjoy my lovely list, and check some of these books out if you like.

I’m really excited about having my laptop and all- I’m thinking maybe eventually I might be able to make webcast or youtube video post or something. I don’t know if I would be able to figure out how to get it online, but it’s an idea. I don’t know whether or not I want to yet, but I’m debating.

anywho.

Back on the hair issue I had before. I had decided to not cut it, to atleast wait until my next hair appointment (it’s July 2nd). Well, I’ve just finished catching up on my fatosphere reading (and DARN my computer to hell for being dial up! I want to watch Joy Nash’s new video!! I CURSE TEH INTERNETZ!) After reading this (*edit* and this), however, it makes me want to just cut it all off. I love that cut. I don’t even honestly know if my hair would look like that if it got cut that short. If it was that short it probably would, but alittle bit longer and my hair would curl…. I just love that look!

Annddd I went back through my photobucket account/blog posts to find pictures of my hair long, since the only one I had was with it pulled back lol. Not very helpful.

I mean, I know my hair is all that long right now, but it’s long for me.

I feel like if I cut my curls I am betraying who I am… or something..

When I was on my college orientation my sister noticed one of the orienters (sp?) staring at me. lol, she apologized and said she was just looking at my hair and how she thought the color and cut was perfect. I even told my mom I was thinking about cutting it was short, but then she shocked me by saying she liked it the way it was (she being the one who always wanted me to chop it all off and causing me to hate my short hair because it was forced on me lol). I always get compliments on my curls and I feel like if I cut them I am not going to get any compliments and I’ll feel guilty.. or something. I don’t know.

Then I get all twisty because I do like my curls- they set me apart. But then I think about how awesome short hair would be. It seems like it’s just making a statement, it means something. I would like what having short hair would mean (to me). But then I think I like having people remember me by my hair. Who can forget the girl with the thick slightly messy crazy ass curly hair? And then I think that I definitely don’t have the ‘pixie’ feature to pull of a pixie cut. And then I think it would be so much easier to have. And then I think that maybe, for once, I’ll stick it out and my hair will finally be long. And then I think why I want that.

blarg.

You guys don’t have to comment on this if you don’t want, seeing as I am practically spewing what I spewed before and not saying anything new… I just to let it out for myself.. again…

Well, anywho, if you even read this post, thank you. And here is a picture of me at graduation when I straightened my hair (which was then de-straightened quite a bit by the humidity). I even have a little bit of eyemakeup on.. which I usually don’t lol.

hm.. I have one pretty kick ass mole above my right eye (your left). I’ve got alot actually. You could probably play connect the dots with them lol.

well, have a great weekend everyone ) hopefully I’ll update again soon.

and the winner is……… *someone please insert a drumroll here*

MACBOOK!

Okay, it was kinda obvious I suppose. Though like I said in my previous post, it was actually a hard choice for me. Originally I was pretty much brainwashed/sold on the macbook from all the great things I heard about it, but then (after finding a store that actually had a Macbook to see/touch/be physically there) we went to a Best Buy just to review the other options that I had and find their processor speed, since we missed that before when we took notes. I really didn’t like the Sony laptops I had been looking at, because they felt like golfballs or something. They felt like crappy plastic. I dunno.. I just didn’t like that. I decided a no on Dell because of all the mixed messages I heard and I just didn’t want to risk getting one of the sucky dells vs. one of the good dells (I guess some people just get good ones and some people get the ones that break).

I don’t like the idea of spending less for something like this. Let me clarify. I don’t want to spend $500 on a so/so computer, only to have it break on me therfore causing me to spend another $500 for another machine. I would rather pay $1,000 for a computer that will last and hold up than going the cheap route. I can understand why people would rather spend less (my dad is one of them. I do understand it) I just know that for me, I don’t like to do that. Not to mention I would hate dealing with the hassle of havign to buy yet another one and then wondering why I didn’t just buy the more expensive one in the first place. But again, I can understand it. If I wouldn’t have gotten that thousand from my grandparents (I still can’t believe they gave me that much..) I probably wouldn’t have bought the mac. But since I was able to, I did.

ANYWAY. I got sidetracked there lol. I kinda widdled throught the rest on my list, and it pretty much came down to HP and the Mac. The HP I was looking at was $900, so $100 less that the mac. Either way I was spending around a thousand. The HP had a slower speed, I think, but it had 3 GB memory and 320 GB hardrive (vs the macbook 1 GB memory and 120 GB hardrive). Plus, I really liked it’s design. It had a nice white cover, and the inside was very sleek in silver and black. Then my thoughts of “well, it is a PC, and I know how to deal with those. I won’t have to worry about something not being to work with it like the Mac. Plus, it’s pretty. And I havn’t heard anything bad about HP. My printer/scanner/copier/faxer is an HP and it works great. OH I DON’T KNOWWWW”.

lol.

So then, while my heart was torn, I told my dad I wanted to look at the iPods at the Best Buy (as Apple has the ‘buy a mac get an iPod free” thing). I saw the 8 GB nano I was going to get. But then I thought, “Oh yeah, you can get an iPod touch too..” so I went over to the touch….

omg. I was just amazed. My dad was very impressed too. I really liked how I would be able to sync the calendar the notes and such. It would be really helpful to have for college. Not to mention it has lots of space on it (compared to my 1 GB nano lol) I could also download the iTunes U lecture if I wanted and could watch them on there.

That was what made the choice difficult. I just couldn’t decide.

So I contemplated in the car on the way home. Eventually, I just decided that I would go with the macbook. I wanted something new and different. And I just seemed to trust all the good things everyone said about the mac. I was also iffy on Vista, something I heard so many bad things about. So I went with the mac. I bought it that night (the 12), and then waited madly for it to arrive. Once I got the tracking number, I would check it every day. lol, My macbook and ipod got here on the 18th, and I got up at 10 that morning and first thing I did was check the tracking. I saw that it was located about 20 miles from me and was in transit and i was like “DAD!! OMG IT MIGHT BE HERE TODAYYYYYYYYY!”.. and then, lo and behold, 15 minutes later I hear a nock at the door.. and it was here!!

So, I spent, from the moment I got my laptop until 5:30 ish, just playing with it. Then I had to go to my Target Orientation lol.

The only thing that sucks is that I don’t have WiFi at home. or even ethernet. We have great ol’ dialup. I think I have to buy a port to connect dialup to my laptop, but I don’t know. Can’t I just cannect the phone line in the ethernet slot thing? So I havn’t been able to go online at all on either my macbook or my ipod, so I don’t know how the internet speed is (though obviously if I use dialup it won’t be much faster than what I am using now).

Sooo anywho. That is my lovely long story. Sorry if it’s pretty boring lol. I can say that so far I am really happy with my decision. I LOVE iCal! That is going to be perfect for college. Should help me be more organized for sure. I also paid an extra $70 for iWork (I think that’s what it is called)- which had the mac versions of Word, Powerpoint, and Excel. I’m glad I did, because it is AWESOME! It’s so much easier than word, and I havn’t even messed around with it that much. I havn’t tried to take a mac document and open it on windows, or vise versa, yet, but I am hoping that won’t be a problem.

I had one other question- How do you get Paint on a mac? Ehmuhlee inquired about it, and I am wondering too (since I use paint a lot). Or is there a similar program on the mac that i am not aware of? Keep in mind that I can’t download anything online directly to my mac (though I can use a flash drive or something if need be). I’m not too worried if I can’t, because seeing the ease of how you can just drag a picture somewhere and it appears right away on the mac, I don’t know what I’ll need paint for. I’m just wondering how you mac users feel about not having paint (though maybe you didn’t use it much to beging with lol). And feel free to leave me any other mac advice. Or mac newbie advice. Both would be nice lol.

And here are some pictures that i took. Enjoy.

lol. Sorry about the “redness” of the pictures. With my room color being red, it always makes any pictures I take have a red tint. It’s annoying, but I deal. It goes away if I use flash, but if I use flash it flashes out the computer screen.

So yes, I am now a happy mac user

And yesterday was my college orientation! U_U I had to get up at like 5:45 (after staying up until 1 in the morning) so we would be there at 8. I got a whole bunch of crap… I mean, papers and handouts, and listen to lots of people talk to me. And then I had to split up with my family and was on my own… ugh, I am going to be a mess when I go to college. I managed to talk a little, but I was just scared to open up. I was nervous being on my own and felt so much better when I was back with people I knew.

One thing I did notice was that in the FOUR STORY LIBRARY (love<3) they had maps with labels on them. I saw labels for computer stations, and then I looked at other floors and there were ones labeled “macintosh computers” so that makes me feel better. I was going to ask somebody, but I wasn’t sure who lol. I think I’m going to surf around their website some more.

And one more thing. I sincerly apologize for not blogging much lately. I havn’t blogged about anything other than computers since around the beggining of June. I really am sorry. Buying a laptop has been occupying my mind pretty much, not to mention worry about getting my new job and going to college orientation. My internet life has, as such, suffered. I mean, I was approving comments and reading them, just not responding. My mind has been occupied with other things lol. But now that my work life seems to have settled and schedualed, i have my laptop, and I don’t have to worry about college till August, I should be around more. I started taking pictures for my book post, which I’ll try and have up this weekend. So, I am sorry about this. I feel bad when I don’t post anything lol. Because I know I always feel bummed when I go to blogs i like and there isn’t anything new to read. So I am sorry everyone.

(wow, long, long post)

*EDIT* I just thought of a question for all you amazing mac people who know so much . I paid that extra $70 for the iWork to get the mac version of Word, Excel, and Powerpoint. I tried and those programs DO open up the PC documents. However, I’m trying to open up the mac documents on the PC and it doesn’t work. I don’t know if I am doing something wrong or don’t know what to do at all, or maybe it just doesn’t work. I tried saving the files as .doc on mac, but it doesn’t let me (that was my best guess as for what to do..)… So know i have no clue how to do this, or if it can be done. Heelpppp meeee X3!!

Another hair post lol.

Soooo.. I’ve been thinking about this for awhile (okay, a few days lol).

I feel like I want to just chop off my hair. I’ve gotten it cut a few times this year. It was actually the longest its been since I first got it cut in third grade back in October. Then I got it cut short in the back and kept the bangs. Like Rihanna hair cut but the curly version. I really liked that one actually. Then I got it cut just a little bit shorter.

But the last time I got it drastically cut short was before 11th grade, after I broke up with my boyfriend. My hair had been getting longer, and after the breakup I just wanted to get rid of it all. It was a wonderful feeling, chopping it all off. Then I went to school and felt crappy about my hair, since short hair isn’t “hot” in high school anyway. (That was also before I got into Body/Fat Acceptance stuff, so my self image had not yet improved).

I went from this- my hair long enough to be tied back-(this picture is me at teh Prom! I’m not with the boy anymore, but damn that was an awesome dress- which my grandma made too! I was def. saucy lol):

To this:

 

(lol, look at my crappy pose XD!) I AM A CAMI WHORE!! lol.

Those pictures are almost (will be in August) two years old.

So I dunno..

I feel like I just want to get it all chopped off. Go to college fresh and crap lol. Not have to deal with my hair in the morning (bleh).

But, at the same time, I feel like now that I actually have grown my hair out, I like the curls, the poof lol. It’s crazy, but I like it that way. Like it’s my “trademark” or whatever lol. The part of me that says “short hair won’t be porportionate to your fat ass” is hanging around too. I guess sometimes I feel like I need my hair to be longer because it balances me out. I hate that voice though. It really needs to just die. Then I go around online to look for short hair pictures, and the advice is that short hair is for women with “pixie like features” or whatever- meaning little nose, big eyes, those feature that I do not have. Plus, everytime I get my hair cut short, I regret it the next week and think “if I hadn’t cut my hair, it would be *insert length here* long by now”.

I don’t know if I even like my hair long. I’ve never managed to get it past my shoulders, ever. My mom got me to get it cut short in 3rd grade, and ever since then it’s been short. So, all the time i’ve had short hair when I was younger I don’t know if I ever really wanted it, I was just doing what my mom wanted me to do. (Like when your mom makes you eat vegetables and you hate them, but once they stop making you you realize you actually like them. lol).
And here I am, as an 8 year old (I think lol), with my short hair. Aren’t I cute?

I always find women who have short hair to be awesome. They’re different. I feel like I can always relate to them right away lol, since I always had shorter hair growing up. It takes some guts to have short hair, because it’s not “hot” or whatever. I like being different, it’s more fun. But again, that’s where my stupid voice comes in and says that short hair will just make my face look chubbier or whatever. I feel like I’m one of those stupid girls you see on TV who is afraid to get her hair cut. I don’t like being like that, like my hair is a safety blanket or something.

I’m just scared if I get it cut I’ll hate it and I’ll miss ”my” curls. But then I think that I want something different. And then I also think that my hair will grow back if I hate it. But then I think that I want to be “hot” at college. Then I think I don’t give a shit about that and I want to go to college to learn, not to find a future husband. Then I think it will be nice not to have to deal with my hair in the morning, and it will be so much cooler in the hot summer. Plus my head won’t be weighed down as much lol. And if I have short hair I can show off my cute chubby face, or show off earrings, or use makeup since you will actually be able to see it. I just want to feel FRESH and FREE! lol. And now that prom has passed, I don’t need to worry about doing anything with my hair for awhileeee. I also wouldn’t mind shedding my high school hair. Bleh, it’s over! I want it GONE lol.

The pluses seem to outweigh the minuses, but I’m still worried I won’t like it and I’ll be fugly forever! (stupid voice. DIE!) Which is, obviously, a stupid thought lol. Just the inner idiot talking.

So anywho, wondering what you gals/guys think. (lol, this is probably just me posting to have people tell me that I will look great with short hair! You know, when you say something to someone else just so they back you up on it? lol..) but anywho, do tell me what you think, and give reasons. (I mean, don’t just say “short hair is ugly!”… erm, that does not help.)

And here for your entertainment is Lizzie through the ages (lol, more like from 6th to 12th grade)

And I will be posting graduation pics, hopefully tomorrow. I just wanted to get these hair thoughts out of my head. I’m not going to the hairdresser for awhile- we don’t even have our next appointment made yet- but I feel like I really want to do it and wanted to know your thoughts. (since the hair coloring post was made alittle late lol). (I will also do the book post sometime soon. Now that I have all summer to do nothing lol)

Thanks for any thoughts/ advice!
 

After reading Rachel’s post about putting the heads back on headless fatties I was all pumped and such. But then I noticed that I don’t have any new pictures to put up. lol. So, here is an old one that I posted before but lurve anyway:

The smexy eyes of a fattie. Yum.

And this one is from my senior pictures (where I proclaimed obesity has a face! rawrr! lol) that I did not post, so it is kinda new in a way then lol.

And, to save people time, here are all the other picture posts that I have made so far on this blog:

http://lovemeformexox.wordpress.com/2007/12/05/christmas-dance-dress/

I encourage everyone else – fat and thin – to either post a link to images of themselves in the comments below or post their own photos with attached heads on their own blogs. The process of reclaiming both our self-worth and dignity begins by combating the problem — head-on.

Couldn’t have said it better myself.

FINALS ARE OVER!!! HUZZAH!!! HUZZAH!!!

Prom Picture Festival! lol!

Just a picture of the front of the dress

Picture of the back of the dress. (I have a tail!! woot!)

Closeup of the back of my hair.

omg, IMMA COVERGRLLLL! lol. Not.

and POSE!

Cinderella pose.

There you have it . I didn’t really take any pictures when I was actually AT the prom lol- maybe like 3 pictures total. But it was definitely fun. Ehmulee and I agreed that the Christmas Dance was better in the music department. Because the dancing music was definitely not as good at Prom. But the food was MILES better than the Christmas Dance food, and the location was a lot better too. We were kinda sad that Stacey wasn’t sitting with us at our table this time, but we still had fun.

And Note to Self: Even if prom is formal, wear a knee-length dress. I loved my gown and all, but it is so much harder to dance in (not to mention it’s hot). In my Christmas Dance dress I could move around in a lot better and it wasn’t so heavy.

But I still got to have lots ‘o fun. I danced with all my friends and danced with my gal pals during slow songs (omg TWIRL ME! lol)… A guy actually did ask me to dance with him during the last dance, which me = shock and not quite sure what to do. lol. But we eventually joined in a group slow dance XD with five people and we were all belting out the song that was playing, so it was fun. I know at the Christmas Dance I felt pretty crappy that no one asked me to dance during the last dance, and i HATE that. Why should that make me feel crappy? So I am happy that I got asked to dance and all, but at the same time I hate how it matters to me. (and then after they ask you to dance and you are dancing, wtf are you supposed to be doing? Like, do you talk? Silent? I had no idea. Then you have the stupid girl thoughts in your head “Does he like me? or I am the only girl around to ask? Or maybe he just wanted to dance with someone and I was there? Or maybe he does like me? Do I talk to him at school?” and blahblahblah. Ugh, I wish that voice would just die right now lol. And then I felt bad when we did the group thing, because maybe he did want to dance with me and I was being mean by being a group. SHUT UP VOICE! Blarg, I dunno lol.

So anyway. We then went to Barnes and Noble (Ehmulee and I) in all our beautiful glory (lol). One of the ladies working there said we looked beautiful. The rest of the people looked at us like we were freaks. lol. We then got a Strawberry Frappicino (can’t spell it ><) and it was yum and then went to Wendy’s and got some late night fries (also yum). We then went over to our friend Stacey’s house to sleep over. (Which, all we really did was get there, get changed and hang for a bit, start Juno at 12:30 and then fall asleep half and hour later lol. Aren’t we the party princesses?)

OMG, after I was all changed out my dress, I went to scrub away all the makeup I had on. Ugh, I like getting all “prettied” up or whatever for special occasions and all, but I hate having so much makeup on my face. Ugh. It’s like a layer that covers me up. So I was happy to have it off (even if I looked like a death zombie).

lol, then I had to pull out ALL of the FIFTY SEVEN bobby pins in my hair. FIFTY SEVEN!! God, it took me like half and hour just to get them all out. That’s how many bobby pins it takes to get my thick hair back like that. lol. My hair dresser did a really kickass job though, and my hair did look awesome. If you touched the back of it it was like a rock lol. And dear hair style people: Please, give us girls with short AND curly hair some styles to use. I see styles for short hair all the time, but it’s all for short and STRAIGHT hair. I hardly ever see any styles for short and curly, and it frustrates me to no end. Luckily I found an updo curly style which was probably for longer hair but you coudn’t really tell and used that as my reference.

So, all in all it was a lot of fun (and I have thank my grandma for making me such a gorgeous dress)

Ahh! Two weeks until graduation..  and I have finals next week! AH!

So if I am not around much, that’s why. I need to get studying ^^;

I hope everyone has a great weekend!

I am not stating this to say “I hate myself” or “I’m so fucking ugly!!!” That isn’t what I am going for here. I am just stating a fact that I am not conventionally beautiful. I’m not. I have one big ass honker for a nose, got caterpillar eyebrows most of the time (recently been waxed~). I’ve got bags under my eyes, chubby cheeks, frizzy thick hair that is also curly and a pain to manage, plus zits galore! Compare my face to the girls at school? Hell yes it is ugly!

But that’s the thing. Ugly compared to what? Compared to today’s standards I’m pretty much a cow. To be pretty I would need to be thin, smooth and straight (oh your hair can even be a little wavvy now, just not crazy curly) hair, small and slender nose, big eyes, straight face, etc. Like pretty much every identical cover of men’s magazines (or women’s for that matter). But you know what? Fuck that.

Shall I say this again?

fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck that!

For the assholes:

Dear women-
If making fun of me makes you feel better about yourself? Then fine, have a go. I hope you have a nice life. If simply seeing me and thinking that I am fugly makes you feel better, fine, have a go. I hope you have a nice life. (add for blog: And if you actually go out of your way and comment here about it, great. I will either A) Spam you or B) Make a post making fun of how much of an asshole you are.)

Dear Men:-
I don’t give two shits whether or not you think I am fugly. Memo: I also don’t care whether you want to fuck me or not. (Honestly, if I guy told me he doesn’t want to fuck me, why in the hell would I even want to? DUH trolls!). Being fuckable does not make me a worthy person. Being fuckable means you find me attractive, and that’s it. Repeat: I don’t care whether you find me attractive, I’m not forcing you to. I get pissed when guys are assholes (I am surrounded by many of them in high school) and can’t seem to shut up for a minute.

So yeah, I am ugly to today’s standards, but those standards are bullshit and I shouldn’t waste my time trying to fit them. The only person I need to impress is me. Everyone is beautiful in their own goddamn way and if people can’t see that then they are the ones missing out.

Your worth as a human being doesn’t come from being attractive. You don’t owe being attractive to anyone- http://www.dressaday.com/2006/10/you-dont-have-to-be-pretty.html

hm.. I’m feeling fiery today rawr!

So yeah. I may not be conventionall beautiful- but that’s okay. I’ll survive. I am beautiful by my standards. I have feirce eyes and some sexy lips, I got beautiful curves and thighs are killer. My hair is always voluminous and fun. I have one pretty smile. I am smart, caring, pissy, and fun. I am perfect just the way I am- conventionally beautiful or not.

Put that in your pipe and smoke it! tsss!

I have to say I am particularly proud of this description (apologies for the many swear words- I just had to let it all out!)

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This deviation was from like a month or more ago. I could probably add more, but I don’t want to change it from the original. (Plus I have to start getting ready woot!)