… that every one of the comments left on my previous post really mean a lot to me. I really can’t describe how amazing it is to have support when it comes to having crappy days like I did. I feel like I should print some of the comments out and tape them to my wall or something, to remind myself.

So, to be productive: what did I learn (Can anyone tell how much I want to go back to college lol?) .

1.) That it is just about impossible to be that girl, and even if you are you still have problems.

2.) Eventually we will all fall out of society’s range of acceptable looks because of age (which is bullshit).

3.) Speaking of bullshit, this whole being beautiful thing is pretty much bullshit. I believe Dwayne from Little Miss Sunshine sums up everything when he says: “You know what? Fuck beauty contests. Life is one fucking beauty contest after another.”… I love that little speech that he does. Probably my favorite part of the movie (whiche, side note, I totally love).

4.) I think one reason I was mad/sad was that I let it get to me. I mean, honestly, I wasn’t mad at the actresses in the movie- they all have to work. I don’t have anything against any girl who would be considered “that girl” (except my internalized jealousy, which I wish was never internalized there in the first place)- I guess it was just the way that they are held up in the film- and all of society.

5.) I need to re-read my tips page for myself lol.

Well, since my word are not very eloquent today and I’m writing in lists, I’ll just quote some of my favorite comments that were left, so I can just read them here over and over again.

I can’t be that girl. In real terms I have absolutely zero desire to be “that girl”. But I still sometimes (often) feel bad, like a failure, miserable, because I’m not that girl. – Meredith

And accept ourselves sometimes is knowing that we’re not going to feel confident all the time, that sometimes we’ll feel like crap… And you’re beautiful and full of life. Let it grow inside of you and you’re going to find people who love you for who you are. – Patricia

So what if you’ll never be that girl? What’s so great about that girl? – Samantha

We’ve all been there. It doesn’t go away but eventually you will learn to ignore it… So one day of you feeling bad is no big deal, allow yourself to have that cry without the need to question it. – InkyPink

You are beautiful just the way you are… You have so much more to offer. And I know you already know that. So push it aside and let go of it. There’s is no use dwelling on it. – Nikki

And yes, I’d have to say that you never will be That Girl, in fact none of us will ever be That Girl, because she doesn’t exist. She’s a myth designed to keep women in a constant state of insecurity with their own bodies so that they feel compelled to buy product after product in the hopes that they will finally attain the unattainable… Even the few women who appear to be living examples of that ideal are ultimately just mortals like the rest of us: even the cutest outfit and the most “perfect” bod don’t mean a whole lot when you’re faced with illness or the death of a loved one or any other one of life’s inevitable disappointments. The best thing to do is just keep on creating a counter-voice to the dominant culture of body-shaming and consumerism. – Alyssa

I’m thin, but that’s only one check off the checklist. According to the media, I still have bad hair, bad skin, a bad nose, and some serious cellulite that just won’t go away.
Being thin doesn’t solve this kind of problem. I have a feeling that being drop dead gorgeous even by Hollywood standards still wouldn’t solve the problem… Think of all the things you have to offer that have nothing to do with looks. What is inside of you is what makes you a much richer person.
And who cares if random creepy guys want to f*ck us? I know that sometimes it seems glamourous or whatever, but really, who gives a damn? As a person, not as an object, but as a PERSON, you are miles above that level. And let me tell you, it takes a REAL man to see that. – Cathy

Have you taken a good look at the picture you took of yourself on the beach? You’re a very pretty girl! You look happy, and sun-kissed. Exercise reasonably and eat well and may you always look the way you do in that beach picture. =) – Lila

Bottom line: I had a really bad day and it sucked. I hope it won’t happen again but I know it will eventually. I just need to keep being happy with who I am. And everyone who left a comment- you are amazing. I am really thankful for them all. And even if you didn’t leave a comment but read my post anyway- thanks. This blog is such a great space for me. Internet hugs for everyone!

Well, I was hoping to blog about having so much fun taking pictures on the beach, but instead I’m blogging about how shitty I feel right now.

I was having a pretty good day until tonight. My family rented the movie “The House Bunny” and told me I should watch it. I had no desire to see it whatsover- so I begrudgingly said I would watch it. Wrong decision. I made it about halfway through until I couldn’t take any more of it. I went into my room and went online for a little, and then it just it just struck me that I will never be the girl, no matter what. I hated that movie because it glorified the makeover of the “nerds” into “hot babes”. All I could think was that, well, those “nerds” are just a bunch of beautiful actresses that were made to be ugly and then given their normal makeup and they were “hot” (much like a fat suit- the actresses can take away their “ugly” just like someone wearing a suit can take away their “fat”).

But right now all I can think in my head is “I’ll never be that girl”. No matter what I do I’ll never be the girl that every guy wants to fuck, that people would say how sexy I look in that skimpy outfit- it will never ever happen. I don’t know why it is so hard for me to accept it. Probably because our culture deems that as what is normal and what should be. Maybe it’s just another fantasy for me, one that is hard to let go.

(Now, I could also rant about how horrid that movie is on a few other notes- such as making the impression that one should be dumb to get men, etc. If you’ve never heard of it- consider yourself lucky, or read this review. There were a few laughs, but the movie focused so much on the shit that the little funny bits were meaningless. But, then again, for some movies I can ignore things, other I can’t. This was a movie I just couldn’t stand. There was probably some “meaningful” message at the end, but with all the bullshit before it that doesn’t matter. That would be like making fat jokes for 2 hours and then at the end saying “opps, we were wrong! Sorryz!”)

I dunno, now I’m just feeling like crap. Just keep thinking “that will never be me”. I’m not the conventionally pretty girl, or the thin girl, or the girl that all the guys want. I actually liked the girls in the sorority house before they got their makeovers, which probably didn’t help. They had to be changed to be fuck objects. Which, great if you want that and it’s option for you I guess. Maybe I’m just being selfish for whining about how it makes me feel like shit that that is what I’m supposed to be aiming for but know I’ll never become that. It pisses me off that in this world I’m made to feel that that is what I should be. I just started feeling so down and my sister tried to get me to talk to her about it. Finally I just said “I don’t feel good about myself.” “Why?” “Well, that movie didn’t help.” and she didn’t really know what to say. I knew the conversation wouldn’t go anywhere. She likes that movie, buys into those messages. She isn’t thin, but she isn’t as fat as I am. She can still shop at Hollister and those popular stores. Then I started crying.

And the thing is- that isn’t the girl I want to be. I want to be beautiful just the way I am. But it’s just so goddamn hard with all these bullshit messages all around me. I hate them, I really, really, hate them. I wish I could be more eloquent with my words, but I just don’t know how to articulate what I want to say.

Soooooo, yeah. Not feeling too hot right now. And on my last day of vacation. All because of a stupid fucking movie.

DISGUSTING!!!! PIG! STOP EATING

It’s unhealthy and you will be sick later. You can’t be healthy and that fat!

lol- at least you aren’t fooling anyone with your name.

YOU JUST GOT MARKED AS SPAM MOTHERFUCKER! mwahahahahahahahaha! (I have been watching wayyyyyy too much Robot Chicken XD)

mwahaha death fattie smiles at you intolerant man! Who knew I could take a whole second to take a picture rather than shove twinkies into my fat mouth?! (Since all we fatties do is eat and be pigs and never stop. Obviously.) Just another troll blathering on about the same old shit. I wonder what wonderful insults will be hurled at me next?!

I feel like I should change this blog too “Diary of a Fat Girl who responds to troll comments” because that’s all I seem to do. Oh well.

Okay, it’s midnight, and I need to go to bed.

Just letting everyone know I updating the “About Me” page- since I just realized it was talking about a 17 year old still scared of leaving for college me, which is quite behind, so I gave it an update and a makeover

I normally wouldn’t answer but, this time i need to. I have been reading your blog for some time. I want to tell you that it’s good that you accept yourself, it’s great you don’t hate yourself. It’s just a body, life’s too short, so why waste it hating ourselves?

But being obese is unhealthy, no matter how you put it. It’s been proved, your doctor would tell you, anyone knows that. So while you accept yourself and don’t hate anything about your body, which is admirable, while you try to do so, you should also think about it and see how being obese affects your body.

The risks of a heart attack and all that stuff you already know, are proved. Being -obese-, is unhealthy and just denying it or trying to change it won’t help. You shouldn’t change because it’s what everyone says, you should do it thinking that it will be better for you, because it will.

Just sticking with your fat positive aptitude isn’t good, you must add to that the thoughts of trying to be healthier (not trying to look better, or look better for everyone else for that matter).

Also, it’s normal that people comment concerned, this is a public blog and anyone can give you their opinion. I don’t want to bother you with this, it’s a comment and i assume you do want comments, if you allow them. I wouldn’t like this comment to just be deleted and forgotten. It would be awesome if you answer me about what you think, if you felt like it.

I am not a troll, i’m just giving my opinion on the matter. Sometimes people just mix being positive about yourself with denial, and it isn’t good.

Thank you Janna, for commenting in a not-outrightly-asshole fashion, as many people who think otherwise from me tend to do. I appreciate that, I really do. But I still have to disagree with what you are saying to me. I respect that you have an opinion, everyone should, but I still have to disagree with it. Even if you don’t seem to think so, this is trolling. You might not be outrightly insulting me, but you certainly are subliminally, which I would equate to trolling. I don’t have to respond to this- I shouldn’t even bother, since this is about the 500th troll to tell me the same thing over and over again, and i should just let it go. But I need something to write about anyway, so here goes.

First things first- the whole blog being public thing- wrong. I do allow and enjoy comments, but this is my space on the internet, and I can make it whatever I want it to be. It’s not a communal park that trolls can feel free to shit all over. I could easily point to my comments policy (which I not-so-deliberately-borrowed from Kate Harding ^^) and point out that it says right there: “Fourth rule: … I am not a representative of the government; when I tell you, directly or indirectly, to shut up, it does not in any way violate your Constitutional rights. If you want to speak freely, the fine folks atWordPress will be happy to provide you with the exact same kind of platform I use. But if you want to play in my sandbox, you need to not piss me off.” And I don’t find it normal for random strangers online to comment concerned about my health. Maybe if it was someone who was always commenting and visited often and who I would consider and online friend, I might it justified that they would care about me. But no random stranger really actually cares about me the person- they don’t even know me.

Okay, now that that’s settled.

If I really wanted to be simple, I would say that you must not have been understanding what I am saying if you have been reading my blog for a long while, if you still equate fat = unhealthy. Though I guess in your defense I mostly blog that fat not being unhealthy is a given, and leave other, better blogs to discuss that further. But still, what your are saying to me is very conflicting. You praise me for accepting myself and being happy with me body, but then go on to tell me that my body is wrong and must be changed? It sounds like every woman’s magazine ever published- Love yourself but in order to do so you must be a size 2? Love your body but have perfect -insert body part here-? While you praise my positive attitude, you then change that to denial at the end?

If I want to make this easy for myself, I would point you over to Don’t you Realize Fat is Unhealthy? @ Shapely Prose.

“Anyone knows that” is not a reason for me to believe that being OBESE is a death sentence. Back in the dark ages everyone know that the world was flat, blahblah, etc. Isn’t just believing what everyone tells you an excuse to not look at something more critically? Nobody wants to accept that being fat doesn’t necessarily equal being unhealthy because everyone else believes it to? Sounds like denial to me. And are these effects really proved? Without dieting or pharmaceutical companies backing the evidence? There are plenty of Obesity Paradoxes over at Junkfood Science-

“This study actually showed just that. Fat and thin people get sick and get heart disease and other things, but when they receive equally good care for actual health problems, being fat has distinct benefits. The belief that fat kills is simply that… a belief, not good science.”

and

“We may know, intellectually, that correlations can never show causation, but when a correlation seems to confirm a reason we believe, it’s very easy to find ourselves falling for the fallacy, anyway, and to not even consider other explanations. We may call our belief “common sense” or what “everyone knows,” without realizing that we’ve come to believe it simply because it’s all we ever hear. It may never even occur to us to question an axiom — especially if we never hear about the evidence which contradicts or disproves it. The obesity paradox wouldn’t be a paradox at all, for example, if the public had been hearing objective reports of medical research all along.”

And this from Big Fat Facts:

THE CLAIM: Obesity is unhealthy. It causes heart disease, cancer, diabetes, hypertension, asthma, arthritis, impotence, depression, sleep apnea, deep vein thrombosis, and dementia.

THE TRUTH: Obesity has not been found to be the primary cause of any of these health problems.There is little evidence that adiposity (excess fat tissues) produces the claimed pathologies.

Studies have shown that people who are heavy and fit are far healthier than people who are thin and never exercise. Fat, active people have half the mortality rate of thin sedentary people, and the same mortality rate as thin active people.

Of the ten types of cancer commonly associated with obesity, deaths from nine — pancreatic, ovarian, gall bladder, stomach, prostate, kidney, colo-rectal, cervical-uterine, and breast — have decreased since 1992. Only one — pancreatic cancer — has shown an increase in mortality.

This is just another example of implying that obesity=unfit. Just because someone if fat doesn’t mean they aren’t fit or that they eat shit all day. How often do you see thin people eating a lot and add that up to being “born with great genes” or have “a great metabolism”? Does anyone shame thin people when they just sit around on the couch and prattle on about their “health”?

And who’s to say I haven’t already tried, many times before? As though I haven’t heard before to “eat less, exercise more?” all that dieting advice that EVERYONE knows works, yet if it really worked we wouldn’t have so many diet plans that people have to keep going back to. If one dieting program really did work, there wouldn’t be the thousands of them that are out there- everyone would use the one that would work. And I know that my mental state when trying to starve myself to weigh less is a place I don’t want to go back to, ever again. There are many things that are better for me than that. How would a stranger know what’s better for me?

And again, I don’t see how my fat positive attitude equals health negative attitude. I have never once proclaimed on this blog how great it is to sit around and eat twinkies all day because I just LOVEEE BEING UNHEALTHEEEEEEEE AND FAAAAAAAT! I honestly don’t feel as though I act any different than a thin person would- I love moving around and going swimming or playing tennis or soccer or anything else (except, of course, being fat and trying to do those things makes me self conscious and doesn’t help having people judge me for moving and using my fat body). I don’t eat all day long- I eat like a normal person. Sometimes I feel like eating more, sometimes I just don’t feel like eating at all. Sometimes I eat yummy veggies, sometimes I eat yummy chips. Since I’m not currently in a disordered dieting state of eating, I don’t binge on food because it’s “forbidden”. And bottom line, even if I did all those “bad” things- eating foods that are equated with morality as being bad and not feeling like exercising, who’s right is it to judge or tell me to change? If someone is happy being who they are and it doesn’t harm others, why should it matter? My life, my body, my choice.

I’m not really sure what else to say.

… your concern is so very non-concerning.

Yer a cute kid. But wise up. It is a health issue. I personally like my girls curvy, but I’m an old guy, so my opinion probably doesn’t count. You have a lot going on; I’d just like to see you keep it going on. Be healthy angel.

… I feel like I am being given a finger wagging from my old driver’s ed teacher. lol. Thanks for “yer” concern, I suppose it is well meant, but I don’t need it. I have wised up enough to know that it isn’t a health issue as much as everyone else wants everyone else to buy into. I plan on keeping it going on. Just because I’m fat doesn’t mean all I do is eat shit and lie around all day like every fat stereotype known to man. Even if I did, it isn’t your concern, random man on the internetz. (and I have to say, being old doesn’t matter- when I’m an old lady I am going to damn well have an opinion. I will, however, be aware of when it is appropriate to voice that opinion). I also  like how the link of morality and health is drawn so obviously here too- healthy is to angel what unhealthy is to devil, pretty much.

And I don’t really know what else to say to this that I haven’t already said before. Soooo whatevs. I’ve been such a lazy fat ass going to the pool every day swimming around and walking on the beach on walking around shopping. Shame on me.

I’m too busy staring amorously at my new Johnny Depp bag to care. Ohhh Johnny…. you make everything better. lol.

Well, if I can manage to pull myself away from my bag for a moment- I’m off to the beach today. I can’t believe my vacation is already half over! *tear*

I guess that’s all for now, I’ve got a couple of ideas for other posts, but right now other than attempting to make-out with my handbag, I’ve been obsessed with tumblr. lol. But I’ve been doing pretty good on updating my blog recently, so hopefully I’ll keep it up .

(p.s.- Check out my feature @ the Pretty Plump… And thanks again for the feature Sarah! … I’m actually attempting to reply to comments left on my contact page, since I feel bad that I never did before- hopefully anyone that attempted to contact me and never got a reply don’t totally hate me!)

Well, because all my cool friends are doing it, I’ve decided to be a poser and do it too.

So, I present, Tumblr of a Fat Teenager.

I’m really new to Tumblr so we’ll see how it goes. It’ll probably end up being just one big fatspiration type site- with me trying to post pictures/quotes/vidoes or whatever relative to body acceptance blahblahblah. So far I’m really having fun with it. And posting pictures I like is much less of a pressure than feeling the need to write something. And I love pictures. lol.

So if you have tumblr, feel free to follow me and leave me some tips here lol, because I don’t know what I’m doing.

(wooooooooooooooooooo HARRY POTTER TONIGHT! lol)

Just thought I’d stop by and say HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII (along with Spot the Target Dog) from South Carolina in all my fatshionable glory. lol. 

We left for vacation on Saturday morning (5 AM to be exact) and got to our Condo around 9:30 pm (loooooong car ride lol). Most of Sunday for me was spent inside the Condo (thank you mother nature), but today I thought I was good to go out. Sooo we went to the beach first and I finally got to wear my new suit! I went for a walk down the ocean and felt awesome running to the water and such. Then I went to the pool and swam for a little, then came back inside.  So though I haven’t been on vacation long, it’s been nice. 

I’ve also recently become obsessed with blogs about fat & fashion. I can’t get enough of them. I don’t know why now all of a sudden I’m so interested, but I am. 

Hmmmmmmm what else?… I got tickets to see Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince at midnight tomorrow! WOOOOOOOOOOO! lol. I’m sad I won’t see it with my friends (:( ) but at least I get to go out at midnight. 

I’m also thinking about making myself a Tumblr- since a couple of my besties have ‘em, and they seem like fun. Especially since it’s mostly pictures and I don’t have to think about writing posts. 

Before I say Ciao for now, here are some pictures of my swimsuits that I bought at Target. Hopefully soon I’ll get to have another beach photo shoot sometime soon and have those pictures to post.

This fattie is out for now Update soon~

lol- this is what happens when I wear makeup and attempt to clean it off (and then proceed to make scary faces). Yay for random pictures!

… that I haven’t just gone ahead and killed myself yet.

i know you wanna show off but please dont its disturbing to look at if you lost weight you MAY be pretty in your own little way but dear fuck cover up for the sake of everyone around you, why would you wanna be fat? you cant wear what you want its hard to go shopping maybe even embarassing and others look at you with disgusted looks among there faces STOP NOW stop it shame on you there lying the comment above or there prob just as fat as you being fat isnt a thing you should be proud of its a thing you should work on ffs you piss me off

and

Now reading through all these comments, i see shit like..
“OMG YOU’RE AMAZING, YOU’RE SO PRETTY AND CONFIDENT I WISH I COULD BE LIKE YOU”
..one thing to say to all you people YOU’RE ALL FUCKED! You’re obviously not confident with your body for a reason..IT LOOKS LIKE SHIT!
And you..who posted all these pictures..fat 18 year old girl
PUT SOME FUCKING CLOTHES ON BEFORE YOU BURN EVERYONES EYES AND THEY RIP OUT THEIR EYE BALLS JUST TO STOP THE SEARING STINGING PAIN OF LOOKING AT YOUR UGLY UGLY BODY. STOP LYING TO YOURSELF AND EVERYONE ELSE AROUND YOU!
NO YOU’RE NOT PRETTY!
NO YOU’RE NOT GOOD LOOKING!
YES YOUR BODY DOES LOOK DISGUSTING!
YES YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF!
NOT ONLY DO YOU LOOK HORRIBLE BUT YOU’RE ALSO UNHEALTHY!
FUCKEN DO SOMETHING ABOUT YOURSELF BEFORE WE ALL PUKE ON YOU!

Sometimes I really do feel like I have lost hope for this world.

Then I go ahead and think, “Wow, that first comment has no punctuation. What a dumbass. Grammar understanding FAIL.” And  I feel better about myself. And talk about projection one’s feelings onto another for fucks sake this person (I’m going to say it’s the same person due to the likeness of no periods and idiocy throughout) needs to talk to someone. Who the hell thinks it’s perfectly alright to go shouting around horrible and mean things to some fucking stranger on the internet? Well, trolls I suppose. While everyone one of these fuckers leaves a trolling comment I’d like to say I’m immune, but real human beings can’t take this kind of shit from others forever., and I’d like to believe I’m of the human kind (though I feel I could argue against people who leave such shitty comments). While the effect may be small, I’m still just a goddamn teenager and I am so fucking sick of this stupid shit.  On the other hand, reading those comments also just makes me plain uncomfortable. Not because the insults are supposed to be directed at me, but… I don’t know. I just feel bad for the kind of person who needs to so urgently attack me and defend their ideas. Like they are a baby screaming their defense of their actions to me. I really hope these people who say this shit feel better knowing they could help to destroy someone’s life and kill their self esteem. Because, you know, it’s all about health and all. Or just about pleasing them. I just don’t see how people can be such bigots, or see how their words really could affect another person’s life. Or maybe they just don’t care. I’m not sure which is worse.

Well, just to make me feel better:

YOU ARE AN ASSHOLE. GO SOMEWHERE ELSE TO TROLL YOUR IGNORANT AND HATEFUL THOUGHTS. LEARN HOW TO USE PUNCTUATION. YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF FOR PUSHING YOUR BELIEFS ABOUT BODY IMAGE ONTO COMPLETE STRANGERS THAT YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT. I won’t be ashamed because you tell me to be. I will never be ashamed of my body, what keeps me living and breathing and happy. I should never have to feel shame because of it, and especially not because some stranger who seeks to judge me, yet does not know me, and tells me I should. I may not be pretty to you, but why would I give a fuck if I’m pretty to someone who is so horrid? I’d rather be fat than be an ignorant asshole like you.

Ms. FattyMcFatington

And here’s a big fat fuck you finger, douchehound. (excuse the tiredness, It’s 2:43 in the morning). Just seeing my fat finger is probably making you hurl right now lolz. I lol at your apparent suffering.

Well, since I have now marked comments as spam after wishing I’d never got them in the first place (Oh wait, I mean, “Your comments were so horrible they inspired me to change my ways and become the beautiful skinny person that you want to fuck off to! My life is so much better now that I have become your ultimate woman. Now your burning eyes can be watered with my beauty and your puke will turn to tulips! Let’s go run through the meadow of dreams!), on to other topics. 

… Well, there aren’t really all that many other topics- BECAUSE I’M GOING ON VACATION ! My fat ass is going to South Carolina for two weeks (and visiting Savannah, Georgia for at least one day too!) and that fat ass will be out and all over the beach and enjoying itself (maybe I should bring some barf bags and hand them out? Just in case? Or extra sunglasses, to prevent the eye burning and all). Hopefully my ass won’t cause too much damage to other people while I’m there. But I have a vacation to fucking enjoy. I’ve got most of my things packed, so I’m really excited. I still have to work (well, technically it’s today since it’s 2 AM lol) which sucks, but it will make the night go by faster. Being stuck in the car for 13 hours or so sucks, but whatever. I actually enjoy long car rides for some reason. 

But I’ll take lots of pictures and blather about all the fun I’m having lol… of course, that is if I can get an internet connection going on there, which I’m not sure about lol. We’ll see. Ciao for now~<3

p.s. I added some more pictures to my Fat Girls are BBR page just because A) It will piss off this troll more, and B) I’ve been meaning to put them up in forever (they were from last summer) and never got around to it.

me, posing with my backwards book. lol.

Wooooooooooooooo! I FINALLY got a copy of the book! None of the bookstores near me had it at all and I debated buying the Australian version (I like that cover better) but I decided paying a bunch more money simply for a different cover was silly. So then I decided to just buy it on amazon because I needed another item for free shipping. Then my order gets cancelled because the credit card I have on my amazon account was canceled (I use my dads and he got a new card because he lost the old one blahblah) sooo I had to order it again. And pay shipping because I just got the book this time . 

But yay! I’m so happy it came! I’ve been feeling more on the shitty side recently (long story short- I was totally crushing on some random guy who’s really nice to me at work and he’s new blahblah turns out he’s got a girlfriend. I work at a Target and we like to joke about finding a Target romance and such. -(Oh! Random side story: A few weeks ago I saw Kate and Alexis Gosslin when I was working (my Target is in PA) and SERVED THEM POPCORN!!! ZOMG! lol. I was totally shaking when I was scoping the popcorn into the bag- I am such a nerd. And my friend who works at Target was her cashier! Much spazzing ensued.)- Low self esteem and depressing feelings ensued after finding out and it sucked ass. To me it was an “It Figures” kind of moment. But I’ve been reading my book now and it’s really helping me to feel better. Especially the chapter about “Finding a good partner”. Obviously relevant to my young single self. And the fact that I happen to have it in my head that no one will ever find me attractive IRL because I’m fat. That does seem to be the one thing I can’t get over very well. And honestly I probably won’t get over it completely until I do find someone… *le sigh* I will probably re-read that chapter a lot.)

ANYWHO! 

Starting to feel better, like I said in the last paragraph shitty-ness ensued and I’m glad it’s going away. It also helped that I went to Hersheypark yesterday with my mom and uncle and cousin. That was fun. (haha another fun random fact: My uncle is Coco the Bear- he skates on the ice during Hershey Beat games and we got free tickets the one game we went to, which is why we went to the park today)…. (sorry if you aren’t from PA lol, a lot of PA-ness going on in this post). But I had fun, which lifted my spirits a bit. 

And in one week I’m leaving for a two week vacation in South Carolina (Hilton Head Island). Woooot! Vacation is much needed, since this summer I’m actually working a lot. I’m really looking foreward to going to the pool and being able to walk to the beach (they have really cute bicycle paths down there!) and taking some beach pictures! woot! It’ll just be nice to have a break.

Okay, well posting two days in a row is a lot for me, so hopefully these posts measure up lol. Hope everyone is doing well .

Now it’s time to get back to my reading lol! Even if it has taken my about two months after everyone else to get to read this.

(p.s. Kate and Marianne, you girls are amazing! I guess I’ll just say Thanks )