Diary of a Fat Teenager

“Tips to Boost Your Self-Confidence“

originally posted here (comments are there as well): Click me~

I just thought that I liked this post so much that I would make it a page so it would show up at the top of the page for easy access.

—————————————

Okay, a few of these intertwine with one another because they are all kind of related.

And these are just tips. I’m not the puppet master of your life. It is yours do with what you wish. These are just some of the things I can think of that might help if you are unhappy with yourself and want more body confidence. Body confidence may also lead to other forms of confidence, which I am still working on myself. So please read, but don’t think I am TELLING YOU THAT YOU MUST DO THESE THINGS!!!

- Fuck advertisements

            You know how, about ever 5 minutes, you see some diet advertisement, whether it is in a magazine, a newspaper, online, or on the TV? FUCK IT. If it’s in a magazine, tear out the page (or just ignore it if you don’t want to mess up the magazine lol), if it’s in a newspaper, do the same. Or never buy that magazine again, as they don’t seem to notice how their advertising affects readers and they don’t deserve your money (if you really love the magazine though, just realize what the ads are saying to you. If you can see that their whole intent is trying to make money off your low self esteem/ body image, you will at least recognize it and know that it isn’t worth your money or time). It’s harder to ignore advertisements in magazines, and if you really love the magazine it’s hard to boycott it. So my suggestion? Find some magazines that don’t use those kinds of ads. Even though I am still receiving Seventeen due to a subscription that hasn’t ended (though, Seventeen is getting better, though they still trip on their own words sometimes), the only magazines I buy now are BUST and BITCH. Don’t let the names scare you.  

          After buying BUST a few times, I noticed, wow- this magazine doesn’t have any diet ads in it. I just think that is awesome. To be able to read and enjoy a magazine without being insulted every other page. They also don’t have 10 pages devoted to snagging the man of your dreams. Plus, for women anyway, they are definitely a confidence booster, since they are feminist magazines (and Bust’s tagline is “For women with something to get off their chests”). I know whenever a lot of girls my age hear the word feminist, they think “Man-hating, single, ugly, crazy”- you know, all the stuff you are fed through the media. I used to think that too, but I am ever so happy I don’t anymore. It is inspiring to read about women doing things other than just trying to lose weight and look pretty and get a man. Plus, you learn to recognize the way women are treated though advertisements. (Like the one for the Kellog water or whatever: Look at these yummy candies, but you cannot have them, because you are a woman and want to lose weight and never enjoy yourself! You must curtail your desires!… UGH!)

            As for the TV advertisements, just change the channel. That’s it. If a diet commercial comes on, I change the channel immediately. I don’t feel like hearing “Body fat is unattractive” one more time for goodness sake. Every diet ad you see is basically insulting you, but you are trained that to lose weight is healthy and what you should be doing, that you should never have any fat on you, so you don’t recognize how insulting these ads are. They just feed into the never ending body hateful diet cycle. I’m sorry, but I don’t want to hear people insulting me and then expecting me to give them money for it. Another solution is to just watch less TV, which is easier to do when there is nothing good on. However, when House, Ugly Betty ,Grey’s Anatomy, Avatar, or the History channel has something good on, you know where I’ll be lol.

            So basically: at the very least, recognize that these advertisements just want your money. Secondly, look at how they go about convincing you that you need to buy their product, what are they telling you? What are they saying is wrong about your body? Thirdly, go read/watch something else; you don’t need to waste your time listening to someone telling you that you are fugly or not healthy or not right just the way you are.

- Look in the mirror

            This one is pretty simple. Look at yourself in the mirror- that’s it. I mean really look. If you have a full length mirror, that’s even better. Whether you are a fat or thin girl who thinks she is ugly and not beautiful enough just try this. (This is kinda like what they do on How To Look Good Naked, except you don’t have Carson Kresley over your shoulder telling you things). To just start, look at your face. Look at everything on your face, and say why it is beautiful. Nothing negative. If you think something is ugly because it is different and doesn’t look like how you are “supposed” to look, just think about why it should look a certain way. Why is a small nose they way your nose is supposed to be? Why are large breast the way your breast are supposed to be? Why are full lips the way your lips are supposed to be? Why is your body “supposed” to be anything other than what it is? Look at all of your body in the mirror, and whether this sounds weird or not, look at it nude or in your underclothes. See how it really looks. I won’t lie, I do this a lot. And it helps, it really does. I see how gorgeous and natural my curves look, how they almost look like a painting. Stop denying how your body really is. If you are fat, then so what? If you are skinny, then so what? Go and own your body, it’s yours. Just seeing it as it really is helps to accept it and see the beauty in it.

- Take pictures

            When I was still a chubby tween, I hated being in pictures, and I hated being on a video camcorder and put on tape lol. I didn’t want my ugliness caught! Now, on the other hand, I love taking pictures! Like the mirror, taking pictures is a way for you to really see your body. If you don’t want to take pictures, then find pictures or artwork of people who do look like you/your body. Look at them. If you can see the beauty in those pictures, why can’t you see it in yourself? Then look at pictures or artwork of people who don’t look like you. Instead of comparing your body to theirs, look at what makes them beautiful. I do think people miss out when they can’t see what makes other people beautiful. Not only does that make you less critical of yourself, it makes seeing so many different people enjoyable, instead of just comparing those people to what everyone “should” look like.

            Even if you think your pictures are “bad” pictures (which means you think you look fat or ugly or such), think about how you were feeling in those pictures. If you went out with your girlfriends and had a great time, but you look back on the pictures and just see yourself as the “fat cow” surrounded by “gorgeous friends”, remember the great time you had. See how beautiful you all look, having fun and enjoying life. Even if you think it is the worst picture ever, remember, it’s just a picture. It captured one moment in the bazillion that you have in a lifetime. So instead of hating on that moment, remember how great what you were doing was. (Now, if you had a bad time doing whatever you were doing in the picture… then through the picture away lol- why remember something that sucked?).

- Don’t compare your body to others

            This is a big one. Stop comparing your body to other people’s bodies. Just stop. Cold Turkey stop. I know first impressions are pretty much impossible to stop, but that does not mean you need to go on to compare yourself to a person. Body comparison either results in A) body loathing from not being as “good” looking as the other person or B) body loving from being “better” looking than the other person. It is just a lose-lose situation. Love your body on your own terms, not someone else’s. Plus, when you are critical of someone else’s body, you will be more critical of your own body. The body comparison goes along with this one: Don’t let your happiness rest of anyone other than you. When you compare, with either the A or B results as above, you are letting your body’s beauty rest of other people.

- Don’t feel guilty

            This one is simple. Just don’t feel guilty. Don’t feel ashamed of your body. If shame really made fat people thin, we would all be thin by now. Don’t feel guilty for living your life the way you want to live it (so long as you don’t go on a murdering spree or anything that is actually harming other people). Don’t feel guilty for eating a certain food, or say “I really shouldn’t have eaten that”. Look, if you wanted to eat it, then eat it and enjoy it. If you didn’t want to eat it, then DON’T eat it in the first place. Don’t eat it and complain about it. You should’ve gotten what you wanted, not what you didn’t want.

And either way, you’ve already eaten it, so there isn’t much point in feeling guilty about it now.

- Treat your body right

            Eat what you want and use your body. Look, for all fat-haters who think all fat people do is eat gallons of ice cream and doughnuts, if all we did was eat those things, we would get sick of them eventually and then eat something different. I don’t care who you are, you can’t eat only one food forever and not get tired of it. If you really want potato chips, then have some. Eventually you body will tell you that is enough and that you don’t want anymore. By just eating one chip you won’t go on to eat 10 bags. If you really feel like having some apples, then have some. Listen to what your body tells you it wants. And don’t be afraid to use it. If you love biking, go out and bike. If you love hula hooping, go out and hula. If you love yoga, do some yoga. If you love dancing, do some dancing. And if you just need a day to do nothing, do nothing.

- Stop worrying about what other people think

            A lot of these “tips” go together. Not worrying about what other people think is a universal rule that you should always remember. Do those people really, honestly care? Don’t they have their own lives to worry about without worry about what you are doing too? Does their caring really matter to you anyway?

- What’s the worst that could happen?

            My dad always tells me “It doesn’t hurt to ask”. I try to remember that all the time, because even though my body confidence is much higher than it used to be, my inner confidence isn’t always there (you know, the whole not calling people on the phone thing, being nervous around people, the quiet one in a group, that kind of thing). Just thinking about what the worst thing that could happen helps.

- Don’t worry about teh menz

            This goes along with not letting people affect your happiness with your body. Don’t let your view of your attraction rest on whether or not you have 5 boyfriends. (Chances are, the person with 5 boyfriends will be having problems sooner or later anyway). This may be a revolutionary thought, but you do not NEED a man. Unless you want to bear children, then one might be required. But otherwise, you do not NEED one. You may WANT one, but that is different. If you have a boyfriend and feel you NEED him to survive, that is just creepy. My ex was like that, he “needed” me, etc. And it was just creepy. In the movies it may seem romantic and such, but it isn’t. It’s weird. Maybe this is different once you actually have the man/woman or your dreams and you marry (or not) them and know you love them, and you don’t know what you would do if they died. I honestly cannot speak from that side of things, as I haven’t experienced it. Everyone is led to believe that your life goes as follows: marry, have children, get old, die. If your life doesn’t follow that pattern that doesn’t mean you are a “bad woman” who isn’t “fulfilling her life’s role” or whatever. It just means your life is your life. Do what you want. And while you are doing what you want, don’t worry about whether the men are knocking down your doorstep or not. And if you do find a guy you like, make sure he treats you with respect and loves you for who you are (and who you are does include your appearance). For skinny girls, don’t date a guy who wants you to “fill out” or whatever. For fat girls, don’t date a guy who wants you to lose a few pounds. If he doesn’t love all of your or treats you like shit, he isn’t worth your time.

- Surround yourself with people who agree with you

            Don’t be friends with people who insult you on a daily basis. They aren’t worth your time. Don’t be friends with people who just want you to make them feel better about themselves. Don’t put up with friends talking about how they “are so fat” or any other insults, or ones that say “you are so skinny”. Tell them to keep it to themselves. You want your friends to be trusting and considerate to your feelings. Why surround yourself with assholes that treat you like shit?

And I guess I could say some other things, like do things you don’t normally do, take risks, get out your shell, don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself, speak up, etc.

Getting more confident is just hard. It is. Whether it is body confidence or inner confidence, it’s hard. It takes time. I konw my inner confidence isn’t the best, but I think that I’ll get there eventually, I just need some time to “mature” lol. I mean, I can totally sport teh confidentz on my blog and I love doing it, but in real life it’s a different matter. So I’m working on it myself .